I just finished writing a story that I’m debating about posting because of its content. It’s erotic, yes, but it also contains elements such as non-consent, hate, force, and racial slurs.
As in much of my writing, I put things in that I need to sort out mentally. Sometimes those things slip in without me realizing, other times it’s a conscious act on my part. Those particular topics are ones that I sought to actively write about. Why? Because they elicit a fear response in me.
The story itself came about after I stumbled upon someone’s Tumblr/blog about their love of skinheads (or what I assumed was that). I was equal parts repulsed and attracted. Their ideals are repulsive and scare the crap out of me, but physically many of the pictures were of very attractive men. Broad shoulders, big chests, gorgeous features.
Yuck. Where’s the off switch for attraction? I mean, someone’s ideals should immediately make them unattractive. It doesn’t work that way though.
That’s a simple way to say it. My body reacts not to your ideals, but to the way your body moves and the flex of your muscles and the handsomeness of your face. Primitive in some ways.
But I’ve been on the receiving end of hate and parts of me fear certain men because of it. I don’t care what color skin a guy has because I’m not concerned with that, but worry the color of my skin will be a turn off.
I guess I wanted to write about hate, eroticize hate and brutality because I’ve felt both at certain points in my life. Writing is a form of creative therapy for me and fear is an emotion I’m too familiar with.
The question is whether those harder stories are worth offering for viewer consumption. I’ve explained the feelings and motive behind the story, but posting it for reading is different.
It means I’m vulnerable.
Is it more than a story? Is it a fantasy? I’m asking too many questions of myself as usual. And I still don’t know if I’m posting it.
This is a very honest and intelligent post. We are all writers, we all create worlds and characters that we sometimes find unpleasant or abhorrent, and we all understand they are fictional. But we also understand that everything we write comes from within and is deeply personal, even if that personal-ness is carefully hidden. And also, we are all adults and we are all supportive of you.
I say publish, it’s your page and it’s your work. If someone else doesnt like or respect it, f**k em.
Its on a different level but i wondered when i posted Wagner last week whether i would get any comments pointing out his, or falsely accusing me of, anti-semitism. Noone did. I say this in reference to your comments about attraction to some guys whose “opinions” are offensive. they may be attractive thugs, and Wagner was a talented racist (or so i understand, i havent studied the ins and outs). Oh and I know you’re not judging anyone by their haircut, but speaking as someone who shaves his head, i hate the fact that some skinheads give us baldies a bad name.
I’ll probably post it later. I say write/post what you want, but some things end up being intensely personal.
I appreciate how sensitively open you are.
Thank you! I was ruminating and figured I’d share my thoughts.
You are free to write about all of the different places your imagination may take you! I agree with Reclining Gentleman, and Anisa as well!
It’s not the writing I struggle with, it’s the sharing.
Daring to write or say something that needs to be said or at least chewed upon is where change really takes flight. Maybe the change is only within you, but that isn’t likely – what is likely is ripples in the water.
I just don’t think there’s moral points to my story. It was fear that I fictionalized and then added heavy doses of eroticism to. It’s not worth showing because its gratuitous, hard, and dark. I’ve decided it’s a tail best left in the recesses of my mind because I can’t, won’t, polish it in order for it to have reader value.
I could be off the mark here and completely full of shit…Not all points to be made are done solely by the hand of the creator. Often times there are points created by the reader/viewer that relate solely to them, whether it was intended to or not. We all take away our own little piece that means something to us. That’s the change I was talking about – the story I read (though maybe not the same as which you are referring to) made me think about things I’d never thought about before – never even considered.
You’re not off base. I guess I feel like I have to strive for some sort of message initially even if what the reader gets is vastly different.
I took down the story that relates to this post because I’m a coward and dislike being vulnerable. Letting that story remain up opens me up to scrutiny. Why would I write something like that? Yes, I stated my reasons, but really it was because I wanted to be aroused instead of scared. The story is too dark.
Scrutiny may arise but in the blogosphere most things are found because people are looking for them. Like if you made porn and put it on the Internet and your relative found it… THEY were looking at porn! That doesn’t put all of the blame on you. Maybe someone out there needs something to relate to. They feel conflicted and ashamed and need to know they aren’t alone in this. Honestly some people ARE on the Internet to pick fights and bully others, but is it worth saving someone else (multiple) some anguish? Bravery is about doing something even though you are scared. If only for a fleeting moment, you did that. Who cares if nobody saw you kill the dragon? You KNOW that you did. (I’m still not sure I’m just full of it, sorry)
You’re not full of it. An intelligent response actually. I’ll have to consider putting the post up again. Thanks for the discussion.
Totally understand, girl.
I used to be an actress. I’ve read many plays in my day, good and bad and some completely off the wall. In order to portray a character I have to know all sides of them so I could be as realistic as possible. The best scripts drew me in because people are not so black and white and even those who are seeminly unredeemable can have redeeming qualities. It’s the reason why people fall for them. Your son can turn out to be a murderer, but you remember the little boy who brought you a bouquet of dandelions.
People aren’t black and white ever. That’s part of what happened in my story to both the antagonist and the narrator. Neither is as clear cut as they want to be. That’s life I guess.
What an honest post.
Thanks. I just needed to talk about it.