“And we all thought you loved yourself”

Is this an inadvertent entry into Mrs Fever’s September Song Project? It fits so I writes.

The song lyric comes from DMX’s song called Party Up. I happened to hear it this morning while I was putting in miles on the treadmill. The lyric itself follows these particular verses.

And I don’t know who the fuck you think you talkin to
But I’m not him, aight Slim? So watch what you do
Or you gon’ find yourself, buried next to someone else

And we all thought you loved yourself.

The lyric often pops up when I’m agreeing to go to work when I didn’t want to. Don’t I love myself? Why am I committing to something I don’t want to do, something I’ll regret moments after I agree to it?

But this lyric has come to mind lately for a different reason. I’ve had this thought circling in my head for days now.

Like the preceding verses denote, it’s more doing things, or in my case thinking things, that can signal that you don’t love yourself.

It’s been a while since I’ve had even the slightest urge to taken part in Sinful Sunday, and even longer since I’ve had the urge to take sexy photo of myself. My weight hasn’t fluctuated wildly, but the way my body looks has changed. I’ve been battling getting my eating habits straight. Every time I look in the mirror, it’s hard to not criticize my looks. I’m fighting with some pretty ugly perfectionist tendencies that make me unsatisfied and impatient with everything I do.

I don’t love myself right now.

Okay… okay not that I don’t love myself so much as I don’t feel good about myself. Self talk is important and I’ve had some pretty shitty self talk. So this post is more about me needing to answer that verse with a yes instead of a no.

Loving myself is being kind when my body doesn’t look how it think it should.

Loving myself is having patience when I don’t do well in something I’m learning.

Loving myself is remembering that how I feel when I look in the mirror isn’t reality.

Replacing negative with positive.

I’m to the end of this post and I’m not sure I said all I wanted to say. This struggle runs deeper than my 400 words can capture, but I do want to stand in the truth of wanting to say yes to loving myself more. It is about healthy self talk and I need to embrace it (and myself).


  1. Curiousclitty

    I needed this, this morning. Thank you Cara. You’re so right. We judge ourselves so critically all the time, our own worst enemies and that hateful self talk, man, I’m the Queen of that shit. I’m jumping off of the self pity train and making myself believe I deserve my own love again! Thank you. And great pic too!

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      Cara Thereon

      Positive self talk can go a long way in improving how we fee about ourselves. It’s hard and takes a lot of focus. I’m willing to refocus and try. Good luck to you!

  2. Mrs Fever

    This is so relate-able!

    Mirrors (and camera lenses) can be frightening adversaries.

    I read a really good post recently about how we so commonly don’t feel great about our bodies… And then we beat ourselves up for not feeling great about our bodies. So it’s like a double whammy.

    [just thinking out loud…]

    Having feelings – good, bad, neutral, or otherwise – about our physical selves is normal. It is, in effect, easy. Learning to sit with those feelings, to make sense of their origins, to understand them… That’s the hard part, I think. But the hard part – and it’s hard largely because it’s emotional – is necessary if we’re to change the direction of the the thoughts/feelings that are negative.

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      Cara Thereon

      I have an idea of the source of at least some of the negative feelings. There are not fun things going on in my life currently and I compensate by internalizing the confusion and being critical of myself as a result. Finding an outlet for that might help me

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  3. kisungura

    This moving piece struck such a nerve Cara, thank you for sharing and reminding me of the power of self talk, and how it can be so harmful, but also has the potential to be so compassionate instead.

  4. Marie Rebelle

    Sometimes we need to give ourselves a pep talk, and sometimes we need a pep talk from someone else. You are a beautiful woman, Cara, and I hope the mirror will tell you the same.

    Rebel xox

  5. David Mei

    I completely understand.
    Liking yourself isn’t always as easy as it seems it should be. Mirrors lie. Pictures lie. And we lie to ourselves the best.

    What people see on the outside is not what’s on the inside. Often.

    Be true.
    It’s the self talk I give myself every morning.
    Some days it takes.

  6. May More

    “I’m fighting with some pretty ugly perfectionist tendencies” – I know this from my kids – it is not easy – but you are so talented and beautiful
    I did a lot of self talk to my teddy bear when I was younger

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