Just a Spanking, Sir

For a very long time, I’ve been into spanking. It was the first thing I wrote about when I switched my blog from vanilla to kink. I had a host of fantasies and read a lot of erotica that centered around that particular act.

Not a lot of preamble, but many of my stories were simple acts. Nervous women bent over couches or pulled over a lap, spanked over their clothes and then those layers coming off, and their excitement/surprise at how the pain turned them on. Some had huge elements of D/s even though at the time I don’t think I had a good understanding of what went into being a sub.

Most of my focus seemed to be on the exchange of power. There is so much vulnerability in being over someone’s knee as an adult. You’re giving yourself to that person to care for as you lay naked, and you’re asking them to hurt you in a way that ultimately makes you feel good. I didn’t know how my fantasies would translate in reality though.

My first spanking was memorable. A guy I’d been talking to for a few months before I moved to his city said he’d be more than willing to introduce me to the joy of spanking. We met the first time and I was my awkward self. After a brief talk and asked if I wanted to set a date to meet at his place. Of course, yea, duh. I thought he was attractive, but I didn’t think he was attracted to me. That feeling is pretty much a constant theme in my life, but it didn’t stop the session from being life changing for me. He called it a platonic spanking, and while there was talk of meeting up again, it never happened.

You can read about it in my post What to Wear to a Spanking.

The thing about that encounter is it set the tone for what I want when it comes to being spanked. Naked from the waist down or completely naked, over someone’s lap, just the thwack of a hand, and the resulting pain. It’s erotic and satisfying in a different way than sex, which is why I often just want it.

Just a spanking, which can confuse a lot of people for who spanking isn’t their specific kink. That act usually comes in tandem with sex. You spank her ass as you fuck her, right? She moans and her cunt squeezes around you because she likes that little jolt of pain. Or for some, spanking, because it’s in its nature sexual and erotic, is a precursor to sex. You spank her until she’s writhing in your lap and then you flip her onto all fours and fuck her.

No. I don’t want that. I just want you to spank me. To be fair, I have wanted to be fucked (among other things) after a spanking, but I’ve liked it much better when that urge is ignored. When it’s about my mental health and finding a break from anxiety.

I have, not issues per se, but baggage when it comes to sex. It can be hard for me to relax and enjoy it. My religious upbringing has attached a lot of confusion that has taken me a long time to sort through. That I’m still sorting through to be honest. The reason why I find so much satisfaction in spanking is because the only expectation is that I take it. I get so much emotional release from being spanked. It’s literally a mental health break for me

I’ve written recently about looking for a spanking partner, which you can read about in Apply Within.

It’s super tricky because people want to do other things. It’s also about trusting someone to respect your boundaries and to ask before they do something (like stick their fingers in your cunt when that’s not when your agreed on). As trust grows, yes, please put your fingers there. The key is, trust and communication before fingers get sneaky.

I had a really good encounter with someone recently that reminded me of how much I love being spanked. It was relaxing and sexy without the need to do anything. It was more low key since it had been a while since we’d seen each other, but it felt comfortable. It relieved some built up stress and finally gave my brain the space it needed so I could write. It was exactly what I needed and makes me glad I sought it out.

I do hope for something regular with someone soon, but it’s a wait and see thing. It’s me trusting my gut about someone, not letting guys push me into anything, and honoring the relationship I have with Michael.

Here’s to spanks!


  1. elliott

    I am trying to think what I would do if someone asked me to spank them. I think this is one the few things I have not done sexually. I don’t mean slap their ass when we are fucking, I’ve had lovers who craved that. But just to spank them. I’m sure I would be very nervous worrying about whether I was doing it right, if it felt good or I was wasting her time. I would try to do a good job and I think after a bit I would relax and give her what she was looking for. It is interesting how you talked about relieving stress and anxiety, a mental health break. xo

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      Cara Thereon

      I’ve introduced a lover to it who felt similar. He was actually good at it. It’s just like anything, you hit your stride after a little practice. Most guys start too soft and I just encourage them to go a little harder.

  2. Francesca Demont

    I’m so glad I read your post. There are really two reasons. One is that there is something about spanking with a bare hand that is much more personal than a flogging. The connection is there, and the person doing the spanking needs to be much more in tune with the person receiving the spanking. The other is that wanting a spanking can be completely divorced from wanting to have sex. It doesn’t have to be, but it can. Thanks for sharing!

  3. Sweetgirl

    On our impact nights MrH very, very, rarely includes sexual play. I am spanked, and/or caned but not fucked. When there has been sexual play it is usually before the impact play, so I understand the need for a separation.

    That isn’t to say that I don’t sometimes get a spank or two during a fucking but it’s never the focus of the play.

  4. Marie Rebelle

    I get that people think spanking and sex always go together, as that seems to be the ‘natural’ thing to do, but we can have sex without a spanking, so why not a spanking without sex? We have had sessions before (with other people) where sex was not the focus, but kink play – including spanking and whipping – was. I look forward to read more about your spanking adventures.

    Rebel xox

  5. Jupiter Grant

    You know, reading this and imagining spanking that isn’t followed by sex, but just involves the nudity and pain and being taken out of oneself made my heart pound. I want that, too. It’s an intimacy beyond fucking, I think, because there is vulnerability in admitting and revealing my anxieties to a partner and asking them to hurt me to make it go away. It’s exposing not just in the sense of the naked bum!!

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