I want a spanking. Like one that leaves me floaty and happy and teary and spaced.
No, that’s not what this post is about. It’s about love and dating, and… okay maybe a little bit about how badly I need a spanking.
(Stop me if you’ve heard this before) Before I met DomSigns and we started seeing each other, I’d never been in a relationship, long distance or otherwise. I was slow to dating for a lot of reasons and when I did start, I quickly grew jaded. Dating is really fucking hard. It’s putting yourself out there, it’s dealing with stereotypes that people have of me as a black woman, it’s dealing with other people’s schedules and expectations, it’s being stood up, and ending up in a place where I no longer want to be bothered.
After a time, I settled into a spot of just playing. Setting of meetings for spankings or being tied, setting my boundaries, and having a very simple need met. Even that had its headaches. Spankings can be highly sexually charged, as any form of play is, and some guys can’t help crossing the line. Too many men think it’s okay to touch where I’ve specifically said no do not touch. I don’t want sex with you, I just want a spanking as we’ve agreed. Or, as my last attempt to find a spanking partner went, the guy attaches significance to something. If I ask for a cuddle as a form of after care, I’m not trying to be your girlfriend, I’m just trying not to have a huge drop after. Fucking hell.
Do you know what else is kind of hard? Love.
I’m going to be honest and say I don’t trust people. I’ve been abused, hurt, manipulated, and let down. I’m leery of strangers and don’t have too many close friends. My level of ability to trust and let go enough to want to love someone is really high. I’ve found myself falling for people in the past and something happens and I back away faster than a toddler touching a hot stove. To say I’m not looking for love would be an understatement.
I hear you saying, “but you don’t know when love will hit you.” True. I didn’t see love coming with the man I’m with now, but I also see the factors that made love happen with him. He was different than any other guy I’ve talked to in the past. Also a big part of me doesn’t want to put in the work that’s required to find, trust, and love someone else because LOVE IS REALLY FUCKING HARD. It requires a lot from you.
This makes me think of where that leaves me as a poly person. I love Michael, truly. I will tell any person who asks me that I love him. I’m not, however, looking for love elsewhere. I’d rather have one boyfriend and a lot of play partners.
I don’t want love, but my desire to play (which had been pretty dormant) has flared again. Knowing me, knowing how transactional play is for me, this is an opportunity to satisfy a specific need. Not to be loved, but to feel that rush of hormones that make me feel good. In the past, that’s what spankings did for me, offered stress relief and helped me to refocus my mind. I’ve been super out of focus lately and because I can’t just hop on a plane and go get spanked, I am looking for something closer.
My ad should say, “are you a man with a good spanking hand, interested only in a weekly session with a cute girl? Apply within?”
Suddenly seeking spankings? That’s the truth about me and love and dating.