I’ve been thinking about hair.
I’ve had lots of thoughts about hair. It’s something I struggle with and am still really figuring out how to be okay with in life. Like everything in the arena of body positivity or being more confident in all the things we do, it’s something we work on constantly. Some days it’ll be easier than others.
Recently, I cut my hair. Not the first time and not the shortest it’s ever been in the history of my hair evolution.
I’d gone natural almost 5 years ago and did the big chop. For those who don’t know what that is, it’s where women (typically of color) with a natural curl with a history of chemically straightening their hair, cut most of not all the straightened hair down to the natural portion.
The first time, I cut it pretty short. And frankly, I loved it. It was a quick wash, it was really healthy, and it grew fast.
One unintended thing I didn’t think about, and didn’t remember until I cut it again, was how it made me feel emotionally to have my hair short.
Do I look masculine with my hair this short? Am I less attractive? Less appealing because I don’t have the long hair I had before the chop?
My hair had gotten long in the five years since the last cut. Long and tedious to care for on a weekly basis. But there’s this idea attached to long hair, an almost cultural way of thinking of it as being the crown of a woman’s glory.
My mother cried the first time I cut my hair. There’s a lot tied to that, including her being dramatic, but some of that cultural belief had revealed itself. While I was proud of my hair, and happy about having a new me in the process, I couldn’t get by the idea that somehow I’m less feminine because my hair was short.
I’m confronting that idea and trying to turn it around.
Some of you have met me in person, but most of you have seen my physical body. I’m sure no one would say I look masculine. *note: there is nothing wrong with being or wanting to be more masculine if that is a person’s desire.*
Michael certainly doesn’t mind and he’s one of the few whose opinion matters. He encourages me to do what would make me the happiest especially as I griped on every wash day. Drama.
The bottom line is hair doesn’t make a woman. Less of it certainly doesn’t make me less of a woman.
It’s the reminding myself of that and not letting things convince me otherwise. Especially as I fucking love my hair this short.