“Are you still free tonight?”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t now. The baby is sick and my girl needs me to come home to help. You know I wouldn’t cancel for any other reason.”
I registered it, I recognized the excuse for the valid one it was, but my heart heard…
“You are not my priority.”
I’m no one’s priority except my own. My passing dalliances are just that- passing. I’m honey to no one, not a girlfriend someone makes time for, not the top thought in anyone’s mind.
It struck me and foolishly I teared up. Some of my mixed emotions was disappointment. Shaved legs, trimmed cunt, readied ass, all a wasted effort that night. I was relegated to treating myself to dinner and a movie… Chips and porn as I gave myself a decent enough orgasm to honor my attempts.
But the sadness lingered.
I’m too transient for long term and frankly I don’t want it, but it made me feel weird to be canceled on. I wasn’t priority in someone’s life and it chafed.
Oh how selfish of me to be upset over a sick baby and canceled plans. I’m the semi side chick who isn’t attached anyway. And yet, the mind and emotions do their own thing.
My first response was to minimize
“It’s okay. Nothing to apologize for.” I’m not that important.
My second response was to remind us both I’m not going to be around much longer.
“I only have a few more weekends left before I go so if we can’t get together again it’s been nice playing with you.” This isn’t that important so it’ll be a clean break.
The next day his text both relieves and sadness me.
“When do you leave?”
Five weeks. I cruise to a different coast and have to catalogue this experience in with the many I’ve had.
“We’ll get together before you leave.”
Is that a promise? Your list of priorities is long and I’m definitely not at the top.
“Maybe we will.”
It’s hard not being someone’s priority. I was married for 15 years and NOT the priority. He would tell me that, often. Even when I expressed that I want to be the top priority, his response was….. You are important, too. But…
So, you have to be your own priority. It’s true. ❤️
Hey, I know exactly how you felt. Except I put up with it for longer while having even longer as no priority.
I hope you are #1 now.
Yes. I am. I hope you are too!
I’m glad your life is better now.
For me, no. But I am not longer dependent on a particular supplier, so things can only get better:-)
And even if they don’t, I do not have to put up with all the ‘other’ stuff.
It is a bitch, being an optional #1. Except when you need to be The One and they can’t do it.
I’m sure you were lovely – all polished, primped and ready for oh so much more:-)
He will miss you when you are not even not #1. He would be an idiot if he didn’t.
you are real, breathing, humanity … the valleys can’t descend forever.
This resonates with me so much, sweet Cara. It’s hard to realize the effects our own decisions have on us sometimes; it can be humbling.
Big hugs to you. xx Hy
I know the feeling of not being someone’s priority. It sucks. And I know how much I sometimes wish I were. But I’m not sure it is my time yet. I first need to do what hispreciouspet said: become my own priority. Then, when I am aware of my worth, of how much I can bring someone, then I will be able to enjoy being their #1 priority, as I will also be able to have them be my #1 priority without fearing losing myself again.
I’m slowly getting there, and it feels good. I am very confident that you and everyone else here will soon too.
In the mean time… sending hugs, because I know this loneliness sucks!
Oh, and you taught me the word dalliance today!
I’m the guy who’s telling her I don’t have the time to see her, more often than I like. She knows I’m married (she’s met Veronica), have kids and a job, plus there’s 65 miles between us. Still, I know it hurts her when I say goodbye after a visit, she asks ‘when will I see you again’ and I have to say ‘I don’t know’, because there are other priorities and obligations in my life. It sucks, but that’s the way it is for us. I’m sorry to hear that you’re in a similar-ish situation.
Different coast, are you not going to where I thought you were going?