I’m a submissive.
I know that’s something that most of you know already from my relationship with DomSigns and many stories I’ve written. But I don’t think anyone knows the type of person I am and how it plays off my submission.
One of my biggest things is needing approval. I want to please everyone around me to the detriment of myself. It becomes this driving need to make sure everyone is happy and, more than that, happy with me. I’m the submissive who will do whatever you ask because I want you to be pleased with me.
The other side of that is I fear punishment. Fear it in ways I can’t always explain. I don’t like getting in trouble and avoid it at all costs. It’s not like I don’t make missteps as a subby because I’m human, but I loathe messing up.
I’m learning, with a lot of love from DomSigns, that mistakes are a way to improve. That punishment isn’t always a bad thing because I’m learning and becoming better.
I’m a perfectionist, too. Or I trend toward it in many of my behaviors. It has to be right, and if I mess up, I am bad. Talking to me after I’ve made a mistake is not a fun experience.
It can get ugly inside my mind if I’m not careful.
I’ve lived with comparing myself to others also. A friend I grew up with (I’ve lived the large majority of my life in a predominantly white area) was blonde, blue-eyed, and sweet as apple pie. Everyone wanted her, or so it seemed to me. I struggled because I was the tall, black girl who no one had any interest in through high school. I wasn’t ideal and always envied her. I’d compare things between us that weren’t comparable, but couldn’t help it. It killed me to feel like I was coming up short in every way.
Comparing can be murky territory to wade into because of our differences.
Recently, Molly mentioned tasks. We differ in how we look at this topic. She’s spoken at length about it.
I bring this up because it’s easy to compare to someone in a similar situation as you. Two subs, who are totally different, can draw comparisons when it comes to their D/s relationship and be left wondering if they’re doing it wrong. What motivates me, what drives me to submit, isn’t the same for Molly or Pandakitten or Willow or Kayla. Our relationships may all contain submissive bits, but because our personalities differ we don’t submit the same.
Some of us bring fire and fight to our relationships. Some sass and brattiness. Some of us are little girls who like to just make Daddy happy. I’m no fighter. I’ve never been. I slip into the sub that wants to please very easily. If presented with a task, I want to complete it.
My history, my personality, makes me the type of sub I am. It doesn’t make me a better or more obedient sub at times because of what drives me. I’m still learning how to change the emotions and drive. I’m still trying to find that place where love governs more of my behaviors, more of my desire to give of myself.
So a comparison game only serves to keep you from enjoying the kind of submission that works for your relationship.