Work was a little on the brutal side today. 12 hours of straight madness and I’m just happy I didn’t cry.
Of all the times to be reflective, I picked the middle of shift to think about myself. Where I’ve been, where I am, where I’m going. My mind kept springing back to how badly I need encouragement to continue on.
I worry my coworkers and patients think I’m incompetent, that my friends and family feel like I’m not there for them, and that in general I’m not on the right track. I need someone to look me in the eye Good Will Hunting style and tell me it’s not my fault.
Really, what I need is to hear is that I’m not a total screw up and that the things I’ve done have worth. 2 degrees, 3 big jobs, and some awesome life changes have to mean something. So why do they count for nothing in my mind?
Maybe I need more hugs and cuddles. Someone to kiss me senseless. or just a word or two from someone to remind me I’m doing something great and to just keep doing that.
What I do know is my uncertainty and fear have been the source of a large amount of my discontent. Why I’ve hated 2 out of 3 of my jobs. I need to hear I’m doing an okay job or I want to bolt. Not all the time, but once in a while would do me.
In the interim, I’m going to have to start counting my blessing as LaNeshe mentioned recently. It’ll buoy me. More spankings would help too! 😉
Not related and not a ploy to garner votes, but don’t forget to nominate your favorite sex bloggers over at Rori’s spot. It’s a great list to find new sex blogs alongside those blogs you enjoy anyway, and her site is awesome. Let it be known that you like the smut a blogger is slinging by nominating them. 🙂
Top Sex Bloggers of 2013 over at Between My Sheets.