It’s my birthday today!
I’m 29, the last year of my 20s underway. What’s on my mind? The things I reveal on my blog.
My forays into dating lately have made me question not the nature of this blog, but whether I need to tell potential beaus about it. I put my link up on a few sites where I’ve met someone and have started wondering if that’s smart.
Should potential dates have access to this site?
I tend to be noticeably closed lipped when it comes to certain sexual interactions. I give all things in story form as to protect the innocent (me). Letting someone in this personal space takes away my ability to say what I want even in story form. No guy wants to read about how I felt about his cock or the spanking he gave me. He certainly doesn’t want to read those things if I’ve said less than stellar stuff about him.
But I don’t want to lose this space just to spare someone’s feelings or avoid conflict.
I’ve done that bullshit before, the dancing around my feelings and thoughts because someone I know will read and take issue. Puts me in a terrible place.
So, what does this have to do with my birthday? Everything, but I can’t really explain why. What I will talk about is my goal for the next year, which is to be the woman that shines. There is so much that goes into that… Spiritual reawakening/recommitment, physical revamping, mental overhaul, emotional cleansing. Figuring out exactly what I want and taking it. Getting out of my shell when it comes to dating. Vague, but good in my mind.
Goals for my writing? For the first time in years I have none. Just to continue writing what makes me hot. Though a minor goal is to finish a few of the stories that I love, like Whisker Burn and Hunter’s Gazelle.
As for the things I’d hoped to do by now? I’ve done okay there. Nothing ever goes exactly how you’d hope, but that’s life. There’s still time to check things off my list. 😉
Happy birthday to me!
I think the blog comes later – after they know you a bit.
Happy Birthday! 🙂 I hope you have a great day….enjoy it.
Have the the best birthday ever:-) Or just a nice time. Whatever you wish. It is YOUR day.
You have done an amazing job on your list of things to do, things to try. We have all loved hearing of your new achievements. Hands up anybody who has done half as many of them as you.
IMHO, I would say never tell people or potential lovers about the blog. The risks of crossover into your personal life are too great. As a lover, it could be crushing to read about unless you have a huge ego, in which case it gets into a sour blame game if it is not perfect praise. Talk to them if you need to direct!
I know of several people who have allowed ‘real life’ non-blogging people to know about the blog. It has never been a good experience for them overall. Letting blog readers know you also has risks, but can be huge fun or great support. One imagines…
Hmmm, every one of the (few, and carefully chosen) non-blogging real life friends who I’ve let in on my blogging secret have been surprisingly supportive, encouraging, and awesome about it.
Anisa, you choose your friends better than my friends do!!
I feel that exposing a relationship to the news that you have a ‘special interest blog’ puts in a random spin that you don’t need to take the risk with. I know of at least three bloggers who have done this and suffered considerably. This can be of the form ‘Trusted friend X mentions it relation Y who does not know. Y explodes and blabs all to the family about the slut.’ Very sad. Or the uptight husband of trusted friend who disapproves greatly and puts pressure on them to end the relationship. Or the husband who feels his security clearance is at risk from the wife’s friend. Really!
Then there are the relationships that go sour later on and people want to lash out and hurt the writer – at work, at home, in their community.
Sadly, sex blogs are still not accepted in many parts of polite society. So, I take the view of not handing sticks out to beat you with, now or later.
PS Happy Birthday Cara!
PPS Must read more of Anisa!
I can see your points. My confessions have been the result of my determination to continue practicing vulnerability. But I’ve chosen very carefully the people who know. I’m SO glad I opened up to them.
Please do – I’ve been hinting at that for weeks on other people’s blog comments. You write the nicest things. 🙂
Happy day of birth!
Cheers Cara 🙂
Oh, enjoy your day and thank you for writing as you do. You have done a lot and if I were you, I would take pride in that accomplishment. It’s not easy. Hope whatever you decide about telling others, keeps you as comfortable as you need to be to write as you have been – free and open to express. xo, Jayne
Happy Birthday. I wouldn’t expose a date to this blog. As a rule of thumb I’d say give it six to nine months before telling them about it. Each relationship has its own nuance and sexuality is a changing thing. This blog might close some opportunities of those relationships for you by predetermining what you like, etc.
Happy Birthday!!! Hope it’s a wonderful one. And you’re so right, life definitely doesn’t go as planned. 🙂
Seems like it is necessary to talk things out, and it is difficult to find someone to relate to sometimes… or someone that will at least just listen. I think that is what most of us bloggers are here for. We need someone to listen to us because we have a hard time finding those people on our own. So, should you talk about your potential beaus here? Seems to be the great question a lot of us ask… with no solid answer. Most of what I have to say I cover up in metaphors so that people have to work at it to figure it out and maybe the method in which I speak will be more flattering and less insulting. This is not to say that people need to write like me and that anything else is NOT flattering. People will take what the want, be it good or bad. Best you can do is stay true to yourself, or at least find out what that means.
Good luck on the last of your 20’s!
Happy birthday BT! I think you already know the answer is to keep your blog secret, otherwise your blog will change and you will resent that.
Would you say to someone who you have only dated a few times “Hey, i keep a private diary, fancy a read?” Of course not. Even if you tell them you blog, dont give them the address.
Happy Birthday, Cara. And I would have to second Nick above, keep this space private. Everyone needs a place to roam free, even if it’s virtual.
Happy birthday, lady!
As far as sharing your blog – I’m not sure I would with a temporary lover. But there is some wonderful freedom in vulnerability… so don’t keep ALL of your secrets from a person who looks like they might be in it for the long haul.
Happy birthday chic! Enjoy your day!
Happy Birthday! I think you should feel no obligation to tell potential beaus about this site, especially if you feel it will take away from how freely you can write.
A Very Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Bday, Cara! 🙂
Happy birthday, Cara. I hope you are having a wonderful day. And I especially hope that this next year, as you close out your twenties, brings you your wildest dreams.
Happy (almost belated) Birthday Cara…
Hope you had a wonderful day!
I am so sorry I’m late! Happy Birthday, dear, and I hope it was a wonderful one. I find that a birthday is a good time for re-evaluation and revamping. Also–fellow LEO! Yay. :]
PS. My advice is that dates and casual encounters are not the type that should be reading your blog, at that stage does their opinion matter more than your comfort zone?
Happy birthday! I’m a big believer in keeping the blog a secret unless you’ve met someone through your blog. Either way, continue writing what you want. If someone can’t handle your genuine thoughts, that’s very telling.
I think you only really need to tell about the blog a] if they are likely to find out from someone else or b] if the relationship reaches a point where you know they can be trusted and would be hurt by you not sharing, personally am looking forward to more of Hunters Gazelle 😀
Oh honey, I’m late 🙁 Belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HOpe you had a wonderful day 🙂
You could always password protect the post you REALLY don’t want them to see.
It was a nice day. 🙂
I thought about that too. I’m thinking I’ll just have to decide which guys really need to know and who don’t. Can’t keep this place a secret forever.
But do what is right for you honey xx
I will! 🙂
Shit! I missed your birthday! I hope it was a pleasant one. Thanks for writing for us!
Sorry, I’m catching up on your blog now. I trust you had a wondeful day; a wonderful celebration. xox
Happy belated Birthday Cara.