Andy provides awesome prompts every week. Jump on board here!
I welcome concrit on this.
Prompt: razor thin
Word count: 200
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The razor glided through the frothy foam, laying waste to the stubble that dotted his chin. A couple of quick swipes and his face was baby smooth. Clearing off the steam fogged mirror, he admired his visage. Other than a thin spot at his crown and some gray at his temples, he was as heart stopping as ever.
“You are one sexy son of a bitch.” He winked at his reflection and exited the bathroom with extra jaunt in his step.
Today was his day. His promotion was coming down the pike, he just knew it. He pulled on his best suit, tie, and loafers, a song by Boston played on loop in his head.
He hummed it through his morning commute, contentment and excitement making him sing out when he’d normally remain reserved. The possibilities of today, the hope had him giddy. He rehearsed his gracious words of acceptance for the promotion. Years of hard work paying off
His boss intercepted him on entry, herding him into the office that would his someday.
“Harold, I’ve got some news from above. We’re —”
“Thank you for recognizing my talents.”
“Letting you go.”
And his world crumpled and turned to ash around him.
Comments
Ugh, my heart sinks for him.
Author
Poor gent. I felt the same way.
Oh myy! What a turn of events for him. Loved his story and your use of the prompt. 🙂
Author
Thanks! You should try this one. I may do the second prompt he offers at some point.
I’ve been interested in participating since the time I saw you post your contribution. I’ll try but this is is not a good week for me. I’ll see what happens.
There is a fine line –a razor thin one in fact– between good and bad. Amazing how quickly a day can go from sublimely giddy to suicidally glum. Great take on the prompt and nice descriptions.
Author
Yeah, I’ve had days that have felt like this. Terrible moment to have.
Oh my gosh… I was so happy for him…and then… ::tear::
Author
Perfect response! I was hoping people would feel him. Thanks!
Fantastic! Great little story, well constructed and flows effortlessly – you reach the end and you have no idea how you got there so fast.
Author
Thank you! I usually look for your critique when I write something. So I appreciate your comment.
I’m honoured. 🙂
Cheers.
Good job! Nice way of building him up. I felt on top of the world with him! The only thing I would change is maybe hinting about why they are letting him go. Maybe instead of having the boss say “We’re letting you go” he could say something like “You’re department has been axed so we’re letting you go”. It just would have seemed more realistic to me. But maybe not. just my two cents.
Author
I’ll look at it again. Anymore, being intercepted at the door is just as likely as the other. It warrants another look though. Thanks!
Well, there is a certain subjectivity to it. Just something to think about. Certainly did not ruin the story or anything! I still liked it a lot!
Author
I’ll definitely give it another look over. I’m learning to take critique and let it help me.
Great job with this! I especially liked his dialogue with himself in the mirror, but also the way his expectations were dashed and the way I could feel it coming from the way you wrote it. When will more people start doing this prompt?!
Author
I don’t know!! I’m trying hard to showcase this prompt and push more people to it. I like the options Andy gives and think others would as well.
Hi there, I have awarded you:
http://filledandfooled.wordpress.com/2013/04/18/im-calling-you-out/
Author
Thanks! <3
That last line was like being T-boned at an intersection. Not at all expected. Tip
Author
I’m picturing how he’d behave after this and in my mind its not good.
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