A little me

I am a “little”.

I’ve written some about it here for GoTN. I’ve talked a small amount about it through out my blog, mostly as fiction.

But I am a little.

What that means is there are times I feel small and want cared for by my Dominant, DomSigns. Incidentally, for those who are new here, I do call him Daddy. This is a consensual, adult relationship. Both of us are of age, neither of us is related, and this is my kink.

I don’t age play in the ways that people expect. I don’t do diapers, pacifiers, onesies, or being treated like child. I don’t do those things because I am not a child. No one is getting confused about that, you’ve seen my Sinful Sunday photos.

It’s about the care he provides, the direction he provides, the affectionate love he provides. It’s more of a mental state I fall into of being a little child-like in that I know I’m cared for and don’t have to worry. So when I say I’m little, that’s more what I’m talking about.

But I do have one little thing that I seem to have developed over time.

I love stuffed animals.

When I was a kid, I’d get the occasional Barbie or doll, but I wasn’t really a stuffed animal type. I didn’t have a bear I slept with or anything of that sort.

As my submissive self has shown the “little” side, I’ve found a real fondness for plushies/stuffies. I started thinking about this when I was packing my belongings to move (again) and had to figure out which of my growing collection of stuffed animals I had to leave behind. It wasn’t feasible to bring the whole tote because I wasn’t going to be gone as long as usual and my bed wasn’t big enough for everyone.

I had a bit of a crisis that went something like this:

“Should I bring cinnamon roll? I was sleeping with him too and I’d hate to leave him.”

“Do you see yourself being able to do without cinnamon roll?”

“Yes? I don’t know…”

It made me realize how much I’ve come to need them for some degree of comfort.

It started with a sock monkey. I’m sure he was meant to be a gift for a kid, and I even said it probably was when I saw it sitting in my mom’s garage. I had to have him. I wasn’t leaving her house without him.

He found his way on my bed and he was alone for a long time until I returned from my very first visit with Michael and got soooo sick.

One stuffie I had gotten at a recent comic con was a very fuzzy stuffed pizza. It reminded me of the feel of Michael’s chest hair. He told me to snuggle it and think of him, and now I can’t sleep without pizza beside me.

My best friend has started pointing out and buying me stuffed animals. I just got a stuffed cat for Christmas and it has found its way into my very narrow bed.

They’ve started to mean comfort to me in the same way a hug from Michael can be comforting. When my bed is big enough, they all snuggle together on the other pillow. I like seeing them there.

I wish I could explain this way better. Why leaving some behind bothered me. I’m a thirty-something year old woman who has a lot of stuffed animals and I’m not ashamed of that.

They’re just a small aspect of what makes up little me.

Pizza and tits

That’s pizza before I loved him into his current state. And boobies because you always need boobies.

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  1. Brigit Delaney

    I totally get your description of how being this kind of little works for you mentally. It’s the type of D/s that works for me in a similar way.

    And stuffed animals? I can see how sentimental attachment can make them very hard to leave behind. I don’t have any, but I have to have things that smell like Him when He isn’t there.

    This is an interesting window into your world. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Post
      Cara Thereon

      So much to do with association and comfort! Others may totally label it different, but distance plays a role in how it plays out for me.

      Thanks so much for reading and responding!

  2. missy

    I really enjoyed reading this Cara. I have found it a difficult thing to write about as it seemed often to be misunderstood, even by people who you would expect to understand. I can relate to your type of little and have put myself more into a middle box due to the things I enjoy being ‘older’. Stuffies aren’t so much my thing but HL is with me all the time so I think it might be different if he wasn’t. I understand it being a space that you slip into.

    For me feeling childlike and being able to indulge that allows me the same sort of escape and freedom from my everyday responsibilities as the mental space that can come from play does. It works in a different way of course but I do see it as just one of the parts of me. I always like reading about other people’s dynamics and how things work for them so I really enjoyed this and the insight it gave. I read the piece that you wrote for girl on the net at the time and am glad that you have written some more about it.

    1. Post
      Cara Thereon

      You’re very right. This is a kink that seems to bother a lot of people in the community even though there are some obvious things that make it just as sane and consensual as every other one.

      I remember your piece on being a middle and it made me think about where I am on the spectrum. I still don’t know where, but have settled on it being the emotional state I feel I am in.

      Thanks for reading and for your input.

  3. Floss

    I love this. I’m not a little, but I am a little bit little sometimes. I think I find my ‘little bit little’ a bit too vulnerable to accept full littleness.

    I can also get on board with the huge stuffie collection, anyone visiting my house would assume most of the ones we have here are my small humans, not so much though, I have many that are mine and special to me and giving them a squeeze gives so much comfort.

    I’m so pleased you decided to share about this side of yourself here, I think you explained it so well and I’m sure it will be very useful in helping people understand a little bit more about this kind of dynamic xx

    1. Post
      Cara Thereon

      Stuffies for life! I can totally get not wanting to slip into it full for how vulnerable it makes you. It’s scary and I’m glad Michael is there to help me.

      I hope it makes sense to a degree. I know some people don’t like this kink

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