Unknowning

She turned her head for a kiss and his hips froze mid thrust. Just having her eyes on him sent a shudder of revulsion down his spine that galvanized him.

Holding her hip in a grip he knew would leave bruises, he snagged her hair with his other hand, pulling back until her back bowed. He regained his focus, channeling his waking fury into each thrust. The way her moans hovered right on the line between pleasure and pain increased the violence brewing.

“Levi,” she cried, his name wrenched from her lips like a prayer. “Oh God, Levi. Oh, God.”

Her ass bounced with the impact and he squeezed her flesh until she called out again.

“I fucking told you not to look at me or speak.” He pressed her face into the mattress, pushing away the angry bubble of emotions churning in his gut.

It was easy to ignore her moans of pleasure, his mind too focused on rescuing himself from the mental minefield he found himself in. There was no stopping now. He was in too deep, in more than one way.

Guilt; that overwhelming emotion assailing him. It nearly overrode the stark passion he felt as his cock pumped into the slick cunt of the woman bent before him. She lifted her hips higher and he pushed her face further and further into the black sheets under them.

“Harder! Please, oh God. Fuck me harder!” Her words vibrated in the room, jacking up his already intense feeling of guilt. Sending his anger flaring in response.

“Shut up!” He growled. “Shut the fuck up.”

He wished he’d gagged her when he had the chance, but he thought simply taking her from behind would be enough to stave off the dark cloud. It seemed even the sound of her voice was too much.

His anger seemed to fuel her pleasure until it was impossible to drown her out. He turned inward and fucked her with all the guilt and rage he felt.

You’re disgusting

His mother’s voice rose up from the ashes of his subconscious. He saw the loathing in her eyes; eyes so much like his.

No woman could want you, touch you, or love you. You’re worthless, Levi.

He’d heard that from the day he began to develop. His mother’s attention had changed then. His face and body mirrored his father’s too much, a fact she’d hated. His mother’s hatred of him fueled her passion for him in the most dangerous way. She started coming to him at night around the same time she told him he was disgusting.

God, he believed her. Isn’t that why he picked women up off the street? To prove he wasn’t? Every step he took away from her only proved her right.

The look in the eyes of the women he fucked said it all.

He thought he’d buried his mother’s demonic memories when she died. When he’d been the one to end her miserable life, he thought his torment was over. But she was a ghost that followed him, rising up to taint his every moment of pleasure with her evil.

Pain lodged in his chest and he sucked in a panicked breath that stuck.

Something he’d been holding together broke inside him. It tumbled out like a blade slicing down his gut. Unable to contain the pain burning through him, he poured it all out on the woman beneath him.

His hips met hers with a slap, his cock cutting through her in a rage that pulled a strangled sound from her with each thrust.

“I told you. Never look or speak at me. You stupid bitch.” He stared blindly, seeing only her face as he thrust.

The woman beneath him began to cum with a scream, the rippling of her body around his cock sweet in its pull. She dragged him up and over the edge, had him cumming so hard his head felt clear for the first time since he picked this woman up at the bar.

He collapsed on top of her, uncaring if his body crushed her slighter frame. His cocked jerked, the last of his release collecting in the condom. This moment of peace was all his.

“Levi…” Her hand caressed his flank startling him out of his tranquility.

“Get out.” He strode from the bed, disposing of the condom with a careless flick of his wrist.

“But…” He felt a small hand on his back and went cold.

He rounded on her, his cock going semi hard as the emotions he’d just gotten under control threatened to come roaring back.

“Get. The. Fuck. Out.” He snarled at her, enjoying the way she paled. He grasped her arm before she did the unthinkable and touched him again. “Get out or so help me, I’ll throw your ass out on the street just like this.”

She scrambled away, gathering her things, and dressing in a hurry. When he was alone, he raced to the bathroom and vomited the chips and salsa he’d eaten at the bar.

He was repulsed by himself, torment causing him to pace restlessly around the room. It was messed up the way he continued to torture himself with the past.

Worse was the way he felt pushing into that woman. That he didn’t see the gorgeous blonde hair and beautiful skin was crazy. What he saw in his mind’s eye, what frightened him was how clearly he pictured his mother’s face, that it was her he fucked senseless just to prove he wasn’t the disgusting one.

As he stepped into the shower, the scalding water flaying his skin, he was convinced nothing would deliver him from the evil tearing him apart inside. He could kill her a thousand times over and never be free.