I had a thought yesterday. Exhaustion had me in its grip after a long 12 and was squeezing me tight. I was thinking about how I needed to tend to the new piercing and maybe I should get a matching one for the other side Soon. Fleeting thoughts about how I haven’t had a spanking in a while showed up as well.
My roommate and best friend, Bug, was making herself dinner and as I stood in the kitchen, our conversation turned to how we have both been the ‘good kids’ in our families. I chuckled because I realized I wasn’t the good one anymore (well good by the standards I measured myself against before). Something dawned on me…
I’m having the rebellious adolescence I didn’t have as a teenager.
When I mentioned it to Bug, her response went something like this: “Duh”
I didn’t set out to turn this into my attempts to let my freak flag fly, but that’s what it’s turned in to. More accurately it’s been my chance to grow a different way. I wasn’t stunted before, but things in my past have conspired in a way that I felt restrained previously.
Things are different here. Not in the “I’m an independent woman” type of way (I was pretty damn independent before, thankyouverymuch). More like I’m learning about and learning to accept a different part of myself I haven’t yet.
So, while I’m not sleeping with anything with a dick, I am learning a lot about what I like and want. I’m also learning how to ask for the things I want during sex and in male/female interactions in general. I want my spankings or a fat cock to suck on, and that’s okay. My brand of rebellion may be late and tame compared to most teens today, but I’m at least actively learning. That’s gotta be worth something.