A nebulous thought
She thought she wasn’t afraid to die. Each year of her life opened and closed with her belief that if her end came she’d accept it with grace. Everyone claims they have no fear until the moments it’s upon you and fear is the only thing you have.
“I’m too young,” she whispered as death stared her in the eye.
Each breath was a struggle, harder to find and even harder to draw into her shriveled lungs. Worse was the IVs, the tubes, the toxins flowing into her bloodstream in a vein effort to keep her grounded to this life. Her oxygen starved mind knew they pushed her closer to her inevitable end.
“It’s time.” The disembodied voice did nothing to soothe her.
“I’m scared.” Fear wrapped like a vice around her throat, stealing what little breath she possessed from her lungs.
The slow blip of her heart on the monitor mocked her. It seemed to follow the rhythm of her thoughts. Not yet… Not yet… Not yet.
“Please.” A tear slipped from the corner of her eye as the world faded. “I’m not ready…”
A clammy hand clenched hers and she wanted to shy away, but her body remained as still as it had been for months. A comfort, her only comfort was the darkness of death. There was no fighting the pull, the numbness, the end. Even in her fear she slipped into it just like those who came before her.
Amazing. Wonderful stuff.
A little morbid, but it’s where my mind went.
I’ve never been one to shy away from morbid. As you know. 🙂
Lol. Nothing wrong with morbid.
Very different and good. I think truly there are all kinds of ideas we get in our heads about death and dying, but don’t really know till it’s upon us. Been thinking about it a lot lately.
I’m honestly not sure where it came from. The first lime was swimming around in my head and I just had to write it down.
Your words hit home with me and what you wrote is exactly how you feel…. I’ve been to this place in my head many times,,,,deeply. When I found out a had the start of stage 3 breast cancer. All you think about is how you cope with saying good bye to all that you love and I how you will cope when death comes. It’s not a peaceful place and its hard to get a grip on it and to believe that you will overcome it
This wasn’t something I’ve been thinking about outside of my spiritual health. Occasionally the uncertainty of what happens after plagues me, but not often. It apparently concerns me more than I realized if this came to me.
I’m glad you survived your ordeal.
Thank you, yes I did and I’m very thankful everyday that I wake up. I believe its something we all think about. And its something we will all have to face in life sometimes more than once..and if we make it though our fears and survive to live again we learn to see life differently and whats really important and that there’s never enough time and don’t waste it on immaterial things in life. Have a safe and wonderful day. 🙂
You too. Thank you!
beautifully said, but then that’s you — I would rework a couple phrases to avoid cliche, but very powerful
Can you avoid cliché when it comes to death? I’ll look at it though.
as death stared her in the eye, was the phrase I was thinking of. As a nurse you’ve seen death – can it be said in your own words based on what you know ?
I’ve seen it, but not felt it so I feel detached which limits my ability to describe it. The fear is what weighs most on my mind. It’s what I’ve seen and felt. That’s what I experienced as I write. I will think about that line though.
when we use our own words our writing becomes authentic.
It is morbid, but that’s what death brings. I absolutely loved it! Your writing is beautiful. When one can actually visualize the thing happening, it’s a good read…
Wow. I’m glad you were able to visualize it. The piece really was nebulous as I wrote and I wasn’t sure about it. Thanks.
I was thinking about death yesterday. My father was terrified of it and I wonder how I’ll approach it when the time comes. I imagine we’ll all know what to do, but my hope is that there’s no fear. Maybe I’m too hopeful??
I’m not so much terrified, but the uncertainty is real which leads to some fear. What if the things I believe are wrong? That’s what plagues me.
When my time comes I hope there is no uncertainty…
Loved the writing.
I hope I have peace as well. Thanks for stopping in.
I am barely making my way back… not enough time in the day. 🙁
Choked up. Hard to swallow.
Yea… I have another pensive story brewing.
Not just a departure from the fiction you usually post, but an excellent one that shows your versatility.
Nicely done! Cheers!
P.s: If I may just point out, if you remove the “even” from the start of that last sentence, it’s perfect.
Thanks for reading