Time for Andy’s weekly prompt. I’m not telling you what to do, but really, why aren’t you participating in this challenge?
Prompt: Awkward Silence
Word count: 181
The evening felt weird.
Neither the party vibe nor flowing alcohol penetrated the darkness choking her. She felt awkward and out-of-place, an island in a sea of smiling, happy people.
“You okay, Kels?”
The hand on her shoulder felt too heavy, too intrusive. She trembled, sweat breaking out over her brow as Dave gave a playful squeeze. Memories surfaced, flashing by like a horror reel before her eyes. Rough hands, rasping stubble, stretching invasion, frantic sobs, and then a silence that seemed to settle like a fog over her. Nothing lifted it, and being out made it worse.
Her skin crawled as she thought about those hands that held her helpless; her mind spun in desperate circles. Panic darkened the edges of her vision, the din of the party dropping to a low roar as she sank beneath the surface.
“Kelsey?” Dave’s concerned voice came from a distance.
“I…” Her head cleared just a little as she drew in a shaky breath. “I will be.”
Maybe if she said it often enough, loud enough, she’d start to believe it.
Wow: “Rough hands, rasping stubble, stretching invasion, frantic sobs,” –> GREAT adjectives! 🙂 And the last line is perfect. Nice.
Yea. I know adjectives are a writing no-no, but I wanted to describe without saying.
If used correctly, they’re effective. You’ve done an admirable job. (she said, using an adjective to describe the job…) 😉
Ooooh, Nicely written.
Intriguingly written! I like the language and emotion portrayed here – it has more depth in both than a lot of the stuff I’ve read on your blog, and I mean that very much as a compliment!
It definitely touches on something I don’t usually write about.
Wow. That was a fabulous portrait of the victim of a horrendous and brutal crime. A crime that obvious continues to prey on the victim. A powerful piece that is carefully crafted. I’ll say it again, Wow…
My original idea was something romantic, but this spilled forth instead. I think many people who have gone through a situation like this relive it. Thanks for the prompt.
Great stuff! Scarier than my entry. ..
Just frightening on a different level. It’s all in the mind though.
A fascinating glimpse of reality for some people, even if it is a story here.
Some places, it is not.
Nicely done. You certainly try, and succeed, in stretching to uncomfortable places.
Makes for a better writer. I at least try.
You do better than try.
Wow, the way you described her perspective, with all the images of sinking underwater perfectly paired with the way she’s perceiving the party, was amazing. This is some solidly solid writing!
I think we commented on each other’s story at the same time.
Thanks for your comment. I think fear feels like drowning. It felt like an apt description.
Ha, we did indeed. Jinx!
Our timing is super awesome.
Wow! Is this like simultaneous multiple orgasms for writers?
Good “wow” or bad?
Both… Painful but so well written.
If that makes sense. 🙂
It does. It’s hard to say you ‘like’ a story of this nature.
Yup… I don’t think I have the talent to do it as you have… great work girl. 🙂
Your writing is very good. It’s all about showing the feeling.
Thank you… I hit or miss the mark all the time but I am ok with that. 🙂
No writer is perfect. It’s fun to read every effort.
Yes it is… 🙂