Hand wrought

Brace yourself! This fortnights topic for KOTW is hand spankings, so you’ve earned yourself a regular post.

To keep myself on task, I’m going to use the questions provided in the prompt and then ramble a little.

I’m more submissive in general, but when it comes to spankings, I am always the receiver though I have shown a few people what it feels like to be spanked. For me, being spanked started as all fantasy. A desire to know what it felt like to give control to someone else. Yes, most of my initial imaginations dealt with the total sexual aspect of being spanked. The center of them being the classic female over a man’s knee. Her bottom red and his hand hovering over her flesh, and so much touching.

Spanking evolved for me. Into a power exchange, into trusting someone with my body as I hand that control over.

My first spanking (outside of when I was disciplined as a child) was entirely platonic. Or as platonic as the act can be. I’ve always struggled with feeling as though people aren’t attracted to me, so I didn’t even consider the guy who offered to spank me as anything more than a friendly gesture. He was incredibly patient during our first face to face meeting and let me ask all the questions I needed before we agreed to meet. I came to his apartment however many days later, we talked a little more before he led me to his bedroom. Traditional over the knee spanking that started over my yoga pants and progressed to bare bottom.

It’s hard to describe how I felt other than high. I was euphoric. Giddy, dizzy, sleepy, and happy. I was hooked.

He did due diligence, making me sit and talk through the experience. He gave me tea and then out I went. One of the things he asked before I left is if it was everything I hoped. It definitely was and I needed it like air.

The last spanking I received was different in many ways, including not being a straight hand spanking. Someone more wishy washy who couldn’t seem to decide his level of intimacy in a power exchange. I felt I had more emotional control than he did even though I was able to get the high I love. It was the mental settling that wasn’t as easy to obtain. I will say he did give me a bruise or two when he switched from his hand, and considering how difficult it is to bruise me, I was impressed. I also got that high I love, but not much of the aftercare I need so the crash after was brutal.

Maybe that first platonic spanking has shaped how I approach being spanked. Being over someone’s lap, feeling the strike of their hand on my bottom, and the rhythm that takes in my body as we exchange energy. Nothing compares to an OTK hand spanking.

I’m strange about mixing sex and spankings if there isn’t first an established relationship. I’m there for the release, not sexual, but mental. My mind shuts down when I’m being spanked. I’m concentrating on letting the pain transform me, quiet me, and give me relief. While I’m aroused because of the pain, some of that arousal is my body’s response to the pain. I am open to sexual advances after, my body pliant and open. It’s why I ask for no sex the first time I meet a play partner. Can I trust you when I’m at my most vulnerable? When I’d agree to anything even though I shouldn’t? That speaks volumes to me, the maintaining of predetermined boundaries. I’m open to expanding and pushing, but not until we’ve talked about it.

I don’t need role playing or being called a bad girl. Spanking doesn’t get me off in the traditional sense. It’s not all play to me. Sometimes I’m chasing that high, need it really. Other times, spanking clears my mind.

I’m more tightly controlled than people realize, than I realize, and that freedom I achieved through allowing myself to be hurt is everything to me. Anxiety is a big issue for me. My brain turns into a jumbled mess where I’m sure I’m going to ruin my life. A good spanking will reset me, restarting my brain and granting a little clarity.

One issues I had with my last play partner was intimacy, and the mixing of kink and love. I can’t be in a relationship without kink, spanking in particular. It’s not center, but it is important. I’ve introduced guys who weren’t into spanking to the act because I needed that aspect. It’s part of what makes me tick, part of what gives me peace, part of what fires my engines. I won’t do love without kink or spanking.

So, there we have it. I’m a spanko-phile. Always will be frankly.