Musing. It’s the last day of my challenge to write a post everyday in November. This is where my mind is…
I hate my breasts.
No… What I meant to say is I hate the stretch marks on my ass. The cellulite and the unsightly lumps.
That’s not it either…
I’m meeting a lover soon and contemplating the urge to buy sexy lingerie. See, I move too damn much and have no pretty things in which to wrap myself in so I debated buying something to showcase my best features. This led me down the dangerous path about my figure.
I don’t mind being naked in front of other people. Especially not lovers. I figure if you’re wanting to have sex, my form can’t bother you too terribly much so why hide it?
But I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t have moments where I was acutely aware that my assets aren’t that great.
I don’t look sexy in lingerie or I don’t think I do, which makes getting it to look sexy on me for someone else seem stupid.
I want to look sexy! I want to be commanding! I want my boobs to be perky and my ass to be flawless!
So… Do I buy sexy lingerie or not? I still haven’t settled on it.
He wants me to dominate him. To spank his ass and make him kneel. I want to do those things and more, but I want to look the part of the in control, confident mistress.
They have perky breasts, don’t they?
I’m staring at a pierced nipple as I lay naked in bed. It’s hard from my looking, but I’m not touching. Only examining and accusing.
I’m not sure what I’m asking for from him or from myself. Maybe that we both care little about the trivial imperfections of my body? I can’t cover it up and I don’t want to. It’s one of the reasons I loathe makeup. I feel fake underneath and it’s uncomfortable to me.
So lingerie or no lingerie?
He tells me he loves my ass. Did he get a good look it the last time? I can’t hold back my skepticism over his love because surely he didn’t get a good look!
I’m sure if he stared at it as much as I did he wouldn’t say that.
I think I’ll buy the damn lingerie. For me, not for him. I need to feel sexy right about now.