It was a question posed to her every so often. A funny question that always made her laugh when initially asked, but then later it would work its way into her psyche like a drill. There was a pile of invisible brain matter on her night stand for the times it had made her think so hard.
“You’re such an amazing girl, how come you’re still single?”
The million dollar question for which no answer existed.
She’d gotten good at speculating on the answer though. The funniest being that she’d never encountered a man worthy of her. She was smart, articulate, engaging, well traveled, and attractive. What man wouldn’t want a woman like that? A blind, deaf, and dumb one! The men she’d dated seemed to lack the ability to stick with her or misunderstood her desires. It had to be the men she met, what other reason existed?
But the other reason nagged at her.
A part of her felt broken, haunted by her past with its various painful moments. It was like she stared into a cracked mirror and every panel revealed the distorted image she had of herself. She pushed people away when she should pull them close, but she didn’t exactly know the first thing about being close to someone.
“You just need a certain type of guy. He’ll come along.”
It was the truth. She needed a man who was sensitive, caring, commanding, attentive, adventurous, patient, understanding, and attractive. Her honest conclusion was that man did not exist. Or he didn’t exist in the sphere that she spun in at least. The older she got the more she started to believe that was true. Not because there wasn’t time to still run into him, but because she was just too closed off to meet that man. She felt uncomfortable in her skin and around strangers so how could a man break through that barrier to the gooey person beneath?
Being sexy, smart, and engaging isn’t enough. Maybe because she didn’t feel like she wasn’t as much was required to be with someone.
So the answer to the question?
“I’m still single because no one has taken the time to make me believe my status is worth changing.”
Comments
And “she” should wait until that person comes along…but of course, she should also have a bit of fun while she’s waiting, too. 🙂
I especially like the last line.
I agree with Sweets. The last line is the best one. My brother is older, single, and has said that he’s probably met ‘the one’ but he didn’t notice the smile, the extra question, the touch on the hand, the compliment, that could have opened the door to more. We do get closed off, hurt, angry, it all works against our being open to love. But to be open means pain and pain makes us close up,, so yes, we need to find someone who looks past the hard shell to the inner goo. So my question is this, Can we be the one who has to do the looking?
You know what they say, all the clichés ‘You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince’ ‘Someone will come along when you’re not looking’ and ironically in many instances they are true personally I think the reality is that it is how you see and value your self that determines your relationships, only when you know your own true worth will others see it and appreciate it, and the bonus of it is when you know your own worth your need for someone else lessens and is replaced with something better which is want and desire, personally I will take being wanted over being needed every time only children should ever need you unless it is in the context of ‘get your arse over here I need you right now!’ 😀
The last line is a good way to put it. Marriage is something well worth the wait and something not to just be jumped into.