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This is going to be a jumbly mess, but I’m going to try to express my thoughts.

I struggle sometimes with love.

That’s not accurate. It’s more I struggle with my understanding of people’s desire to be around me. I don’t always get why people miss me or are excited when I come back to visit.

It was brought to my attention that I don’t know how to let people love me. I guess deeper than that is that I don’t always feel I deserve or should be the recipient of love.

I’d mentioned my belief that I don’t anticipate people wanting me to over drag my welcome when I visit. When I was planning to visit, my stay being over a month, my mother said no person would want me staying with them for a month.

I’ve always been unsure about things like this. Don’t overstay your welcome. Ever. Barging in and being tedious makes it tough for people to want you around. More than that, we all know people who come when they aren’t welcomed or overstaying.

I mentioned it to Daddy and Molly both. I asked them both multiple times if it was okay, and was reassured. I’ve asked while I’ve been here if it was okay. I guess one part of me feels maybe they’ll get tired of me.

Last night, my disbelief must have shown again. Daddy – as a total aside, I had a conversation with him about what I call him in posts. I don’t think I explained it well, but it’s something I hope to think about and articulate in time – told me I was welcome here and loved without boundaries/conditions. He told me he loved me, wanted me around, and I shouldn’t ever feel I’m imposing.

Something about this made me cry.

I don’t know why it’s so tough for me to believe I’m welcomed by people, but I’m learning. I’m relaxing. Everything takes time and love breeds more love, right?

Cara lying flat, naked, with Daddy’s hand on her shoulder, being spanked

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Comments

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  1. John Brownsone

    This is a totally understandable feeling, there are times I wonder why Kayla keeps me around as grumpy as I can be.

    Being open to and accepting of love is allowing yourself to being vulnerable. That is something that can be very difficult to do. It means putting yourself out there and opening up a part of yourself that most people don’t see.

    Allowing yourself to open up that side of you is difficult and yes there are those that are not deserving of it.
    But when it is right what can come from those feelings and allowing yourself to be open is amazing.

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      Cara Thereon

      She loves you! You’re enjoyable to be around and absolutely delightful. A little grumpiness isn’t a deterrent when everything else is amazing.

  2. Kayla Lords

    I feel this so hard. I’ve spent my life trying not to be a burden and not overstaying welcomes. You are so loved (I saw that with my own eyes in london) and you are more than worthy and deserving of it. ((HUGS))

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  3. Jo

    It is a long, hard lesson to learn, especially if you’ve been in a negative cycle of self-doubt for a long time. It sounds like you’re listening to people who love you and healing slowly; you’re doing what you can. You are loved and you deserve love… keep accepting it! 🙂 <3

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      Cara Thereon

      It’s funny, I’m not sure where the self-doubt comes from. It wasn’t like I wasn’t loved, but I struggle with this aspect so much.

  4. May More

    It is not really something your Mother should have said to you – maybe we all parent differently.
    As to accepting love from others – it is something some have to learn i think – love without boundaries/conditions is a rare and true type, that allows growth as a person.

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  5. Marie Rebelle

    I totally understand what you mean about overstaying your welcome but I am sure you are more than welcome to be with Michael and Molly as it was quite clear this weekend how much they love you and love having you around!

    Rebel xox

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  14. Aku

    Perhaps not as acutely as you, but I know the feeling – as I’m sure do other people.
    As always, brave of you to share a part of your inner self. Thank you.

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