Oh! I wanted to do F4T prompt on intimacy and my current thoughts dovetailed a bit. Here we go!
So I’m making the deep dive back into… not dating. More finding someone to spank me (more regularly than I get with the other gent I meet with) and have some interaction that makes me feel good.
I’ve been chatting to a few guys and trying to decide who, if anyone, to try to meet up with to see if there’s any chemistry. It’s tedious even in this because I don’t want to get naked in front of just anyone so I have to actually vet people. Plus if they actually meet me and aren’t interested after investing so much time? So much work and a lot of ugh.
Anyway, someone asked me what I wasn’t getting and my immediate answer was touch. I miss being held and stroked and touched. I also miss touching someone else who’s obviously physically attracted to me and that I’m connected with.
The very definition of intimacy is closeness, right?
a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group. – dictionary.com
Here we go with love languages, but there’s merit to it. I like physical affection. I like closeness. I crave all of that. To just be with someone without words and have them stroke my skin. To be in their space and enjoy them and be enjoyed by them without any other expectations. I’m starved for that more than anything else. I get a taste of it when I do get together with my current spanking friend. But then he leaves and it’s tripped on all my other dormant wants and I just someone to rub my butt and call me pretty. Haha. But seriously…
I have a lot of complicated emotions around sex so it isn’t a real source of intimacy for me. I find more closeness and the meeting of my need for physical touch in being spanked. That is more intimate to me. Being stripped and over someone’s lap, being vulnerable and controlled, and almost being cared for even as they hurt me. I get my tank filled up so nicely that way.
Sadly, touch has been used against me. Too much unwanted physical touch in the past combined with actively being ignored has made me uncertain about my need to be touched. I war with closeness because it could be harmful or it could be taken away.
But I’m human and humans need that level of closeness. I need it.
I want it so badly. I want someone on top of me, pressing me down into the bed, our bodies connected at every point. I want to feel the way their skin rubs along mine. I want to feel their breath on my neck. I want to bury my hands in their hair and pull. I want to run my fingers, my nails, down their back. I want to feel them shudder against me and hug me close. No sex needs to happen, but I want all that closeness of skin in skin.
That says intimate to me.
Oh Cara, I’m so happy to you in the link-up and I completely hear you on this one. Either I’ve changed, or I’m only just truly grasping the importance of physical closeness, all those things you mentioned absolutely hit my intimacy buttons as well. I very much hope you find someone to enjoy all those things with soon x
I know my need goes dormant when I’m not getting it met. But even a smidge of contact and I’m like a dry sponge soaking up water all of a sudden. I want it badly
Lovely post and I get what you are saying. The stroking in particular is something I missed out of my post – will add it in – it is intimate and I enjoy it so much. But I need to know the stroking is just that – and it is not leading to sex. Then I enjoy it for the closeness it brings. I really hope you find the skin on skin intimacy cause it can bring a kinda peace with it too, I think xx
Yes! I don’t want it to lead to anything. I just want the contact. Some many people can’t honor that. It makes it hard for me to enjoy it if all that happens is it automatically progresses to having sex
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I so understand what you say about the contact, stroking, touching. Getting a bit of what you need (spanking etc) only reminds you of what else you need. Great to see you writing and linking here. Happy New Year Cara xx
That’s the downside. I want it more the more I get, it all makes me very irritable
I can see why pet craves this so much. He is a very physical person but like you doesn’t need/want sex to be intimate. He drove 3 hours to see me and just enjoyed the closeness. Simple hand holding means so much to him. Thank you for sharing Cara, it really helped me see why it means so much to him.
I’d do a lot to have a certain level of closeness with someone. It’s a real need.
I love this and could not agree more with you. I always miss intimacy and touching more than I miss sex. I miss holding hands in the car, spooning, whispering to each other even though we are the only two there. Loved this piece and it made me realize how things do go dormant when not met.
I at least do it to protect myself. If I can’t satisfy the need, best it goes away or i struggle.
I like being touched, and to touch, and I like being hugged and to hug. That’s definitely part of my love language.
It’s sooo nice if you can get it regularly.
That’s a beautiful way of looking at intimacy. Thanks for your post!
Thank you for reading!
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