Copious Cs

Come, church, cuffs, cats. I had so many Cs in my head that instead of picking one, I’ll talk about a few Cs


The first c that popped into my head this morning. It drew me back to the mindful masturbation bit. I was thinking about how those times you just sit and stroke your body and how I don’t do that often enough.

As a child, that sort of touching wasn’t encouraged. Developmentally, we all go through the period of discovering our genitals. Discovering it and discovering that touching there feels nice.

This is where a bit of my own childhood trauma crops up. My own moment of sexual assault as a young child. It’s insane how much that can fuck up your sexual health. As a result, masturbation became less a form of pleasure and more of almost punishment. Masturbation has always been about the orgasm for me never the real pleasure of the act.

I’m still learning how to love my cunt. Mindful masturbation is just touching without any real aim. I tried a bit of that the other day when I couldn’t sleep. It felt nice to just touch and let that sensation bloom in my pelvis.

Though orgasms have been involved with the help of one nice Daddy and a Doxy. I took time after those moments to think about how I’ve felt. Soft. I felt soft and at ease. After is one of those moments where the little in me pops out. It was nice.


When I’m here, with Michael (Daddy), I wear my collar.

Let me say that I don’t wear much jewelry. My nose ring, my septum hoop, and a lion necklace is the extent of my jewelry wearing. I’m pretty attached to things that I wear on my person, but I’m also prone to losing jewelry. For that reason, I try to keep it to a minimum.

Last year when I visited around Eroticon, we found me a collar at London Alternative Market. It was beautiful leather in red with a black strip that held an O-ring, and a buckle in the back. I managed to lose the O-ring on a walk (no idea how), but it didn’t matter because I still had the collar itself.

Until recently.

Last visit, I noticed that my neck would get a bit itchy. I just thought maybe I needed to be careful about keeping sweat off of it. Except it continued to happen the more I wore it. A rash and discomfort under the back of the collar near the buckle. I finally had to say something and his suggestion was to leave it off.

Sadness hit me hard. What am I if I don’t have my collar on? Does that change things?

I was reminded that the collar doesn’t change the nature of our dynamic. I am still his. Still, I’d like something else to wear. Preferably that doesn’t make me breakout.

On the search!


This seems like the best C to end on.

I love coffee. Well that may not be true. Really, coffee has become a thing like beer. I hated beer when I first started drinking, but gradually it becomes an almost comfort drink. That may not be totally true, but I do enjoy coffee.

It was my go to when I graduated from college and went to nights. How people stay awake on overnights without that magic elixir is beyond me, but I need my Venti cup as soon as I walk through the door.

Unsurprisingly, too much coffee has a bad habit of amplifying any anxiety I may be having. Excellent for making me alert, but has also induced palpitations/chest pain, panic, and general feelings of dread when I’ve already been keyed up. I tend to scale down my coffee drinking in that case.

But I don’t think I’ll ever give it up. It’s a taste that grows on you. Starbucks has my number!

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  1. missy

    I really love finding out more about you through these little snippets. I love your fiction as you know but it is nice to get to know a bit more about the person behind the writer . Great picture yet again

    1. Post
      Cara Thereon

      I hid behind fiction I think. I’ve been been reluctant at times to write more of my everyday stuff and I don’t know why to be honest. When I first started writing forever ago all I wrote was non fiction stuff.

  2. Mrs Fever

    I wonder if you (/your anxiety) would find tea a more assuaging stimulant? Green tea has powerful caffeine but also, because of its different-than-coffee chemical makeup, is known to promote healthy sleep patterns.

    1. Post
      Cara Thereon

      I’ve tried a little green tea, but not much. It’s probably something I should consider. My sleep is crap and has been for a long time. Could be blamed on working overnights or coffee.

  3. May More

    I understand about the sexual assault and it then taking so long before any type of sex seems positive.

    Just reading Feve’s comment – I actually find the caffeine in green tea more of a stimulant than coffee! x

    1. Post
      Cara Thereon

      Hm… well that makes me wonder how I’ll react. I’ve tried green coffee in my sports drinks to give me a boost when I’ve worked out. It didn’t make me feel hyped up so maybe I could look into that

  4. NPE

    I’m more of a tea person myself, but I do like coffee. Recently I’ve been trying mushroom elixirs for my ultra running. The ones I have are from Four Sigmatic because they come in little pouches that can be added to a water bottle. I got them on sale, though, they are pretty expensive to just be an every day drink. But there are places that sell bulk powders online.

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