So I had a bit of a dip yesterday and wanted to talk through it. I couldn’t quite figure out what my problem was, but knew it was related to my writing in some form or another.
We’ve already discussed my issues with jealousy and my fluctuating insecurities about my writing.
Yesterday, I was battling this creeping sense of invisibility. I’ve been down this road before, deep in this feeling that I’m posting things and no one is seeing it. Not seeing me.
I know this isn’t true, but it persists. Not an imposter syndrome so much as this feeling that I’m not making a dent in the area I’m circulating in. It’s this almost panicky sensation of waving your hands around, jumping up and down to get noticed, and nothing changing.
Again not true. In fact, if I look at my stats, I can see a definite uptick in my views (As an aside, May 6th was my one year self-hosting anniversary 🎉). People are coming, seeing, and leaving comments when they feel led.
I’ve put my stuff out and in more places, such as this post I did for Girl on the Net recently on being “little” or for Godemiche. I’ve also gotten more involved in memes such as Sinful Sunday, Wicked Wednesday, and Kink of the Week. These are all things that bring more visibility.
Another point is not everyone is interested in what I write or say here. That’s not a bad thing, it’s a fact of life. There are things that bother people or ideas they aren’t keen on that are discussed here. Storylines that don’t interest everyone. All those things are okay, and objectively I’m aware and fine with this. For the same reason I’m not interested in every blog or story or post I read, people are allowed to feel the same way about me and this space.
So I have to step back. Perhaps make it less about my visibility and more about pushing others up so they’re visible. I know there are others who feel a bit invisible too for whatever reason.
This is a great place to segue into a #SoSS post, right? Unfortunately, I’m shit at keeping track of the posts I like lately. Perhaps a few blogs I feel could use love?
The hard part is there are so many people who need to feel like others see them and I only list a few.
That feeling of invisibility shouldn’t be ignored. We can combat it with things like #SoSS, admitting that the feelings exist, submitting our work instead of letting the feelings push us to quit, etc.
I know this will creep back up. I’ll have trouble with this in the future because my mind will struggle to see where I’m doing well. I’ll struggle with feeling everyone else is doing well. I’ll struggle even if I succeed in writing on whatever level I deem is the pinnacle.
Everything takes time and effort to overcome or comes to grip with. It shouldn’t stop me from putting myself out there or trying.
Sometimes the efforts reap things. Sometimes all I get is the joy of making someone squirm and a cup of coffee, which is good enough for me