Girl, Please

Is this an update of sorts?

Time to talk really. This is my blog so in theory I can do what I want.

Since I’ve cut my hair, I’ve struggled with how I’m perceived. Let’s all be honest and say our definition of beauty is colored by a multitude of things. Attractiveness is as well. I know I look hot with short hair, but not everyone may agree. Should that matter? No. Does it? Sometimes.

I get paranoid though. As though I have to be hyper-feminine because one of the things that readily marks me as “female” is gone. That’s hard because I’ve never been overly girly. I can do sexy like it’s my job, but I’ve never been one to doll up unless it was required. So, if you’ve seen me with makeup on, take note of how special you are because that’s a rare thing.

But more than that, I worry about my weight. My family is healthy, but as a whole battle the bulge. My mother has a few autoimmune issues that have adversely affected her weight. It’s easy to look at her and call her fat or lazy or whatever the stereotypical word that people use to belittle. She’s heavy on the bottom and has problems with her legs being really large. What you don’t know is her issues are the direct result of problems with her lymphatic system. They swell, they ache, they’re almost too heavy to lift at times. There’s thoughts that her disorder is genetic which freaks me out because I’m built just like her. Fat bottom girl.

I’m vain and I’ll admit that easily. I know the looks she gets when she’s struggling to walk. It pisses me off because I know what they’re thinking. Shoot, I’ve thought it in the past. We are shallow people and I dread navigating the dating world for this reason.

What am I trying to say here… I don’t know honestly. Perceptions + dating = headache. That’ll work.

In other news, I have 4 drafts wasting away in my draft box. Between work and not sleeping the best, I haven’t been successful getting them finished. Baby needs more than a day off, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaking of… Time for work!


  1. advizor54

    I think we all battle issues that no one sees. I try, more and more, to be empathetic, to think of the challenges others face before I make any judgments because I’d like people to do that for me.

    As for you? Well, from what you’ve shared you rock the sexy like no one’s business and i think short hair is uber-sexy. But, healthy is always sexy and if that’s your focus you are going to be just fine. And give your best to your mom, my MIL faces similar challenges and it’s not easy.

  2. Kayla Lords

    I had short hair for a while, and I struggled a bit with the same perceived lack of femininity. I found myself dressing in a more feminine manner to compensate – chandelier earrings and sassy dresses became my two favorites.

    I think that it’s hard knowing how others perceive someone who is large (when they don’t know the facts). The blessing in disguise (in my opinion) is that because you know the reality for your mom, you may be (hopefully) less likely to judge someone else because you know appearances can be deceiving. That causes a ripple effect, albeit a slow one, over time for people (in general) to become less judgmental.

  3. Marian Green

    I just chopped mine off. Really short. Think late 90s Meg Ryan. And I feel sexier than I have in ages. Truly. I’m thinking there’s a reason female lions don’t have main. 😉 I’m sorry about your momma. That’s hard for all concerned. But you keep doing your workouts and fighting whatever genetic shit may be there. Hugs honey.

  4. JK

    Like you, I view my extended family and recognize the disadvantage of my genetics. Also like you, I’m hyper-aware I don’t want to be that way. “Do not go gentle into that good night”. Fight your genetics every step of the way, every day of your life, and make yourself be different. You can, if you want it badly enough.

  5. hubman38

    I get the family concerns about weight and health, both of my parents are overweight/obese and suffer from several related health issues, which is why I’m so vigilant about taking care of myself.

    You’re a curvy woman and I think few would call you petite. That being said, having met you, you are sexy as hell 🙂

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