I peel myself out of my leggings and pull on a pair of peach-colored panties.
Disappointment hovers like a sour note over me as I trek to the kitchen for a Corona. I’m not planning on drowning my sorrows in alcohol, but I’ve needed a beer since Sunday evening and this is the only way I’m getting it tonight.
He’s had a shitty day at work and just got off so no dice on hanging out tonight. I’m supposed to be understanding. I’m supposed to understand because I’m not his girlfriend and I have no right to demand what I want from him. Which in this case is a sound spanking and however much more he’ll give me. It’s been 19 days since my last spanking. 19! It’s like confessional for cripes sake
The fizz from the bottle when I open it calms me just a little, but not as much as that first cold swig. I’d never drink regularly though I crave a beer more nights than I don’t. Sometimes the only thing that makes it okay is a full bottle.
“Can we hold off until tomorrow?” I saw that text coming at 5:45 so I wasn’t surprised when I actually got it at 7:15. But I was so damn disappointed it took me 15 minutes to respond.
“Sure… I want to make you swear to it, but I won’t…”
He doesn’t realize how badly I want him, but I’m easily frustrated by a man who won’t communicate. He’s hot and cold lately and it flusters me. More than that, the chill has come on suddenly. Like he realized he was getting too close and got a tad frosty. I understand why, hell, I’m battling my own fears, but I’m wondering if I need to exit. Exit! Stage left.
My issues crop up like effing weeds though. Will someone else spark a fire like this in me? Will someone find me beautiful, interesting, easy to talk to? How do I meet decent guys? I’m suddenly not so sure I have what it takes.
Down to the last swig. Damn good beer when it’s cold. I don’t feel much better which means I need to write. That’ll loosen the tightness I feel.
I let the words flow out. They do a shitty job of capturing my true frustrations, but I feel less wound up as I type. I’m saying I’m confused, exhausted by my thoughts, in terrible need of him to scratch my itch…
Will I wait with bated breath to see him tomorrow? Yes, because he’s exciting. But beneath that I’m realizing I’m attractive and I can find someone else who excites me like this. I’m not bound by this almost relationship, I can find someone else who gets me
And I won’t go wasting a perfectly good pair of shaved legs again. Well, I probably will, but at least they’re easy to shave.
Don’t you DARE bolt on this one! If you do I’ll be taking you over my knee…oh.
Easier said than done…
Hugs to you. xo
Thanks for the hug. Watching my fav movie got me over the hump.
good! What’s your favorite movie?
Easy A. I should’ve said it’s one of my favorite movies.
You rock, Cara.
Great post, you released (communicated) your frustration perfectly. Waiting is the pits…
It truly is. I can’t say I’m the most patient person alive either. Man needs to put me out of my misery for real.
I know the urge to bolt…don’t, if you can help it…sometimes working through your fears and seeing what happens is worth the moments of uncertainty…I should know, I call him “Daddy” now… 🙂
I think he’s more afraid than I am at the moment. He’s struggling to sort his life out and I can’t figure out what role I should have in it.
The hardest thing I’ve ever done is learn how to take it day by day and not worry too much about the future…I still struggle with it…but when I succeed, I am happier for it…happier for the moments I’m able to have…maybe it’s less about worrying about your role and more about enjoying the moments as they occur…I know, easier said than done…
In this case, I was more right than I was wrong. I’m a certain time of girl and he just didn’t have time for me.
You got over that hump, which is good. I could taste that Corona. Hugs.
It was a damn good beer. Definitely hit the spot.
Some things are worth the waiting for! But listen to your instincts…they are usually right!
I have no idea what I’m doing or what my gut is telling me. If I stick it out through this, it could be good. Then again, it might not be and bailing early could be smart. It’s certainly been fun so far which makes knowing how to go harder.
I used to go by the rule of 3. If a guy postponed, or rescheduled a couple times…no big deal, everyone gets tired, and busy. But if he did it 3 times in a row….he was just blowing me off and too cowardly to say it straight up…so not worth the stress!
We’ve managed to go on a series of dates with no issues, but here the last week it’s been hard. We’ll see what happens tonight…
I’m not saying give up on this one…but glad you know they certainly aren’t the only one.
I think I am. When “tomorrow” turned into “sometime” I know its time to call it quits. He has my number, but I’m not going to wait on him. I just can’t…
Uncertainty is the bane of my existence. It’s thinking about how much patience and/or risk you would invest.
This turned into a poor investment on my part even though it looked promising. It was like he got scared and turned cold. I don’t have time for that.