The day didn’t have the best start (I’ve been bummed all day and I’m at work on top of that). It takes little to bring me down and too much thinking is in effect here.
I’m excellent at talking myself out of something. Clothes, conversations, relationships…
My ardor has cooled. Or maybe my frustrations – the combination of too many things at this moment – is rendering me jaded. Is that the right word?
It’s the uncertainty that does me in, turning a good thing sour. Then I shrug my shoulders, step back, and let things slip away as if they were nothing. I’m not a priority, I’m not important, this is not important, so I question my want of it.
I mean, it’s a passing fancy, right? Nothing much to it so no need to make it a big deal. I’m too complicated, making everything complicated. Clinging to promises and possibilities. But they aren’t real, none of it is real. Nothing “one and only” about it.
As much as I want something, I want reassurance more. Maybe that means I don’t really want the something I’m pining for.
The end result is I can’t figure it out and I’m not going to try. Typical me, only wanted on someone else’s terms. Well, that’s how I interpret things anyway.
No matter how good I feel, my rational mind says back off. Maybe I need to listen to my mind for once.
