For the last year since covid has rendered the world immobile, I’ve been watching a lot of anime. Only minimally relevant in that the recent one I’m watching made me think about submission. (I labeled the lead character a subby masochist)
A sub is a sub whether they’re actively submitting to someone or not.
I know that and have experienced it. Recently, with a newer play partner, I was tired after having worked and not slept much. The little in me popped out during our session. I’m not submissive to this guy beyond what we do in play (read not much at all), but that part of me apparently couldn’t help making an appearance. The little is a very obvious manifestation of my submissive self. After that, she’d crop up quite often during our play.
Submission is a part of me even if it’s not something I’m able to engage in everyday. I miss being in that mindset on one hand, but there’s a part of me that feels kind of reluctant to do it daily anymore. It is like riding a bike, considering how easily I slip into it, but it’s a bike I’m scared to ride more often. Submission requires trust. I’m still working on that trust bit.
But even though I don’t get to act subby often, I’m still very much a submissive.
We are who we are. Whether we like it or not.