No poem today. Woke up with a complete inability to think clearly because I slept terribly.
Because I’d had the best date in a looooong (really there aren’t enough Os for how long it’s been) since I’ve had a decent date.
A) he contacted me on Fet and convinced me to go out with him within an hour of talking
-I definitely “came as I was”
B) he paid and was a total gentleman
C) I drank more than I should have
D) He sent me home after a bunch of hot kisses and no sex
Gentleman, great conversation, super cute, promise of another date. How could I possibly be crazy after that? It was too good, too perfect and because I’m me and I overthink everything. Even something so nice turns into a trip to crazy town and worst case scenerios.
I didn’t bother with makeup so maybe he wasn’t really attracted to me? I’m definitely not at my most attractive 95% of the time so my lack of effort has to be turn off. He said we could go out again, but maybe he was just trying to get me into the car? People promise a lot of things after alcohol. He’s messaged me a bit, but maybe he’s just being polite? I answer people back often when I don’t necessarily want to talk to them. How can I spin this so I don’t disappointment myself? One decent date after a drought is enough so of course I don’t need (or deserve) more.
See? Do you see why I can’t have good things? Because I can’t just enjoy it and hope for the best. No, I’m an ugly mental mess and I can’t do dating without stressing myself out. Can I just skip past the getting to know you stage straight to the “comfortable passing gas in your presence” stage?
I should’ve just stuck with a damn poem today! Something perfect so you wouldn’t have a glimpse into my awkwardness, but I need to decompress so this is what you get.
Tomorrow. You’ll get it tomorrow.