This post is the result of extreme fatigue and a general need to talk. Instead of relegating it to my journal, I spill it here.
It’s been 2 weeks since my move. I’ve never felt more comfortable and excited to be in a new place. The possibilities seem endless and old fears haven’t risen up to choke me. Mostly.
My question is in what ways have I changed? I’m optimistic about finding a relationship in a way I haven’t in the past. No, not a single prospect yet, but the possibility…
At this point I’d settle for someone willing to cuddle with me at night.
Seriously, change. I worry I haven’t changed at all. I think about the list of things I hope to tackle in the next three months and I realize I haven’t taken the plunge on anything yet. Set up dates, made promises, had promises made to me. I’ve not managed anything concrete though. I haven’t done anything. Not with my writing or my personal life.
The idea of sliding back into that rut freaks me out, but I can’t see where I’m gaining ground. Maybe I’m suffering from “the grass is greener” syndrome. I’m seeing everyone else get what they want, leaving me wonder if I’m asking for the wrong things. Something.
I’m tired but I can’t fall asleep for how my mind is spinning. It’s just… I can see the possibilities, but don’t know how to take hold of them.