Is this an update of sorts?
Time to talk really. This is my blog so in theory I can do what I want.
Since I’ve cut my hair, I’ve struggled with how I’m perceived. Let’s all be honest and say our definition of beauty is colored by a multitude of things. Attractiveness is as well. I know I look hot with short hair, but not everyone may agree. Should that matter? No. Does it? Sometimes.
I get paranoid though. As though I have to be hyper-feminine because one of the things that readily marks me as “female” is gone. That’s hard because I’ve never been overly girly. I can do sexy like it’s my job, but I’ve never been one to doll up unless it was required. So, if you’ve seen me with makeup on, take note of how special you are because that’s a rare thing.
But more than that, I worry about my weight. My family is healthy, but as a whole battle the bulge. My mother has a few autoimmune issues that have adversely affected her weight. It’s easy to look at her and call her fat or lazy or whatever the stereotypical word that people use to belittle. She’s heavy on the bottom and has problems with her legs being really large. What you don’t know is her issues are the direct result of problems with her lymphatic system. They swell, they ache, they’re almost too heavy to lift at times. There’s thoughts that her disorder is genetic which freaks me out because I’m built just like her. Fat bottom girl.
I’m vain and I’ll admit that easily. I know the looks she gets when she’s struggling to walk. It pisses me off because I know what they’re thinking. Shoot, I’ve thought it in the past. We are shallow people and I dread navigating the dating world for this reason.
What am I trying to say here… I don’t know honestly. Perceptions + dating = headache. That’ll work.
In other news, I have 4 drafts wasting away in my draft box. Between work and not sleeping the best, I haven’t been successful getting them finished. Baby needs more than a day off, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaking of… Time for work!