I’m very good at convincing myself I don’t need touch. Too good, actually. Long periods without it and I stop thinking about it. Same as I do with sex. I block it out so I don’t crave it even if it’s what I need.
The other bad thing is I’ve been touched when I haven’t wanted to be touched. Whether it’s an unwanted hug or sexual assault, I’ve had people’s hands on me without permission more than once. It means I have periods where touch has been uncomfortable/unbearable.
It’s taken me a while to relax and realize that I need touch. Hugs, caresses, a hand to hold. I’m still working through my negative reaction to touch and my desire to be held. Being with someone helps that, but these things take time.
