I’m hella insecure.
What a way to start a post! I am though, insecure that is. A fact an awesome fellow blogger pointed out to me. It tends to touch everything I do, turning my love for things into hate. It’s what makes me put disclaimers on my stories. It’s what makes me a mean perfectionist. I know I’m good, but you don’t know I’m good so I have to convince you.
My friend Bug pointed out that my lack of confidence stems from my need for approval. I tend to want to be everything to everyone at the expense of myself. Do I want things because that’s what I want or because that’s what’s expected of me? The result is I’m not sure who I am or if I like the person that is “me”. Scary, scary thought.
Bug then suggested I make a few lists. With the aim being an exploration and subsequent understanding of myself. One is a list of tangible things I want to do, another is a things to do/see/have by the new year, and the last is things I want for myself. I’ll share one list with ya.
20 Things I Want To Do (within the next 3 months)
I want to…
vacation alone
go on 1 decent date
initiate a conversation with an attractive stranger
develop a solid new friendship
meet a blogger that I enjoy reading
learn how to make a complicated meal
have my clitoral hood pierced / modified to my outer labia
learn how to salsa dance
have my first erotic spanking
receive a lap dance from someone I’m attracted to
strip for a crowd of men
pose nude for a photographer or artist
give a great blow job to a guy
skinny dip
allow someone to hold me all night / I stayed the night at The Mr. House. Counting it
read my writing to a group of people
finish editing 3 stories I’ve written and love
send out query letters on 1 manuscript
publish another story on Amazon
do one thing with in my profession that I’m afraid to do
I’ll be curious to see if I can accomplish those. I want to!
But no more excuses. I’m determined to find myself. So, I’ll let you know how I do.