Apply Within

Cara working off her points, naked with the dressage whip

I want a spanking. Like one that leaves me floaty and happy and teary and spaced.

No, that’s not what this post is about. It’s about love and dating, and… okay maybe a little bit about how badly I need a spanking.

(Stop me if you’ve heard this before) Before I met DomSigns and we started seeing each other, I’d never been in a relationship, long distance or otherwise. I was slow to dating for a lot of reasons and when I did start, I quickly grew jaded. Dating is really fucking hard. It’s putting yourself out there, it’s dealing with stereotypes that people have of me as a black woman, it’s dealing with other people’s schedules and expectations, it’s being stood up, and ending up in a place where I no longer want to be bothered.

After a time, I settled into a spot of just playing. Setting of meetings for spankings or being tied, setting my boundaries, and having a very simple need met. Even that had its headaches. Spankings can be highly sexually charged, as any form of play is, and some guys can’t help crossing the line. Too many men think it’s okay to touch where I’ve specifically said no do not touch. I don’t want sex with you, I just want a spanking as we’ve agreed. Or, as my last attempt to find a spanking partner went, the guy attaches significance to something. If I ask for a cuddle as a form of after care, I’m not trying to be your girlfriend, I’m just trying not to have a huge drop after. Fucking hell.

Do you know what else is kind of hard? Love.

I’m going to be honest and say I don’t trust people. I’ve been abused, hurt, manipulated, and let down. I’m leery of strangers and don’t have too many close friends. My level of ability to trust and let go enough to want to love someone is really high. I’ve found myself falling for people in the past and something happens and I back away faster than a toddler touching a hot stove. To say I’m not looking for love would be an understatement.

I hear you saying, “but you don’t know when love will hit you.” True. I didn’t see love coming with the man I’m with now, but I also see the factors that made love happen with him. He was different than any other guy I’ve talked to in the past. Also a big part of me doesn’t want to put in the work that’s required to find, trust, and love someone else because LOVE IS REALLY FUCKING HARD. It requires a lot from you.

This makes me think of where that leaves me as a poly person. I love Michael, truly. I will tell any person who asks me that I love him. I’m not, however, looking for love elsewhere. I’d rather have one boyfriend and a lot of play partners.

I don’t want love, but my desire to play (which had been pretty dormant) has flared again. Knowing me, knowing how transactional play is for me, this is an opportunity to satisfy a specific need. Not to be loved, but to feel that rush of hormones that make me feel good. In the past, that’s what spankings did for me, offered stress relief and helped me to refocus my mind. I’ve been super out of focus lately and because I can’t just hop on a plane and go get spanked, I am looking for something closer.

My ad should say, “are you a man with a good spanking hand, interested only in a weekly session with a cute girl? Apply within?”

Suddenly seeking spankings? That’s the truth about me and love and dating.

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  1. JL Peridot

    It’s so crap when people cross a boundary after being asked not to 🙁 They’re not worth the time of day. Sorry you’ve had to deal with all that. Thank you for sharing your truth. This was a fascinating read.

    1. Bee

      You wouldn’t have thought it would be such a big ask *sigh.

      I’m exactly where you are though. I have a person I love and that’s not going to change, I just want some play mates too.

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      Cara Thereon

      Even when you’re pretty clear, people get carried away and cross the line. That ends the interaction for me. I stand firm in the position of if we haven’t discussed it, we aren’t doing it.

  2. May More

    Loved reading this. I have a soft spot for u – as u know 😉 so finding out more about how u see things is a great read – I often ask my man for “just a spanking” – he finds that so difficult 😉 x

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      Cara Thereon

      Aw, May. You’re a sweetheart.

      I’ve found, unless someone is a true spankophile, just having a spanking is hard. I love being spanked and that can be a sex act all by itself. I find I don’t often get as good a spanking when sex is involved which bums me out because I love being spanked

  3. Marie Rebelle

    I love that you are reaching out to have your needs met, but hate that some just can’t respect your boundaries. I hope you find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

    Rebel xox

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      Cara Thereon

      Some people are sooo dumb. I understand the heat of the moment, but if I’m clear what I want at least ask before you try to do something

  4. Floss

    Oh I hear you on this. I have zero desire to fall in love with anyone other than Bakji, but I do love a good playtime with other sexy folks, as does he. We are also both very good at dishing out spanking only spankings and do so often, so I’m sad to see there aren’t more folks happy to engage in this. Being on either side of a spanking only spanking is wonderful if you ask me 🙂 x

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      Cara Thereon

      Spanking is the one area I’d like to switch on. I love receiving, but there’s something satisfying about spanking a bum.

  5. E. L. Byrne

    Oh. I was just saying to myself the other day- when I come back again- I want to find a more “ritualistic” type spanking time with DJDM- not just sexy time spankings. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. Love IS hard work- fingers crossed that finding a solid play partner is less work!!

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      Cara Thereon

      There’s something very different about just being spanked outside of the context of sex. It’s sexual and amazing on its own. Definitely a release for me

  6. julie

    A great post and I just wonder how you might get to fulfil it. Trouble is, what people say and what they mean is so often different. I so hope you find someone who can fulfil your needs as a spankee.

  7. elliott

    You do know, Cara, that if you ever find your way to Seattle a spanking awaits. And yes, only a spanking, we are too good of friends to jeopardize that. Oh, and a trip to the top of the Space Needle awaits too.

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