So, after I wrote the boyfriend post, I was given a task.
What does DomSigns get out of our relationship? What do I give to him?
Okay, so this is where I struggle…
My struggle lies with my constant worry that I’m not offering anything. What do I bring to this relationship? Or is it all one sided and I’m a terrible hanger on?
So I guess I should look at who I am to help connect the dots.
Who am I as a person? I am loyal, devoted, I care deeply about those I love, and I try to encourage those I’m around.
But does that all apply in this particular relationship with this particular man? Man, I hope so.
I also give him my submission. Not particularly new as he’s got a sub already, but my submission is unique to me. I’ve never submitted to anyone as I have Domsigns, and he’s called forth aspects of my submission I didn’t even know were there. I never would’ve known I was a little until I met him.
I like to think I offer comfort in some way to him even at a distance.
(Full disclosure, I started this a week and a half ago and then stopped. What follows is part of subsequent conversations I’ve had with both DomSigns and Molly)
I was stuck on what to write. Out loud, when he asked me why I was having trouble, I said these words
Not the correct words to say and thankfully I didn’t get in trouble for saying them, but there they be. It’s been a struggle of mine that I contribute little. He reminded me of a few things that were true.
I’m not boring or he wouldn’t have been interested. He’s been clear that he doesn’t turn his attention to just anyone. He’s open to chat or flirt with anyone who will do those things with him, but to invest continued interest is not something he does lightly.
We went through the ways I’m not boring. I’m a creative and prolific writer, I’m an extensive traveler, I’m dedicated to my work. Beyond those things, I contribute to every conversation, offering input that is insightful. My favorite thing is our ability to be on Skype for hours together and not talk. It’s comfortable and I love that we don’t have to fill that time (when we’re each working) with so many words.
I offer engagement, encouragement, and maybe a little sweetness. I’d like to believe that those are important to a relationship.
I hope I’m a little of a comfort to him. I know with our visit coming up, I worry I will be boring or not sexy enough or we’ll fall into a rut. I’m learning though that love can be comfortable as much as exciting. Moments of quietly sitting together is just as important as raucous sex.
Relationships aren’t one-sided. Dominance and submission are both offered in turn. Comfort and love also. I hope I’m holding up my end of the bargain.
Kitten has done a good job with her task. But as she sometimes does, she undersells herself. She brings so much to my life everyday. We spend hours talking and sharing and learning about each other. We discuss topics far and wide and she always offers excellent insights. She is also right that we can all spend hours together and not say a word. There are not many people that tick as many boxes for me as kitten does. Instead of wondering what she brings for me, I think instead she should know that anything she brings is a gift.