Speak the things into existence that you long for in life
I stalk into the house, in a total fit and ready to unload on him like usual. He always listens to me talk about work even when he doesn't quite understand why. Work had been particularly difficult last night, and I really needed to see his face and unload.
I fully expected to find him in the bedroom getting ready for work. I'd undress and get ready for bed while he'd dress and listen to me. Sometimes I could talk him into cuddling and kisses. Instead he was in the kitchen waiting on me.
A sliver of uneasiness settled in my belly as I approached where he sat at the table. His face was neutral, his eyes tracking my progress with little change. A number of scenarios cycled through my mind which sent me into a total tailspin.
"Are you leaving me?"
The words were out of my mouth before I'd stopped moving. Everything in me trembled at the thought of him walking away. My heart had tied itself far deeper than I realized until that moment.
His face morphed, brows crunching in confusion. "What the hell gave you that impression?"
"What else could it be? Why would you be out here unless you were breaking bad news and what could be worse than… than you leaving me." Fatigue and stress reduced me to a babbling mess.
"Leaving you has never crossed my mind." He pulled me down, cradling me in his lap as he nuzzled my neck. I tried to get up, but his arms tightened around me.
"I'm gross from work." I couldn't help giggling as his hand snuck up my shirt to squeeze my breast.
I felt his breath across my neck as he breathed me in. "You smell good to me."
I was feeling grumpy, tired, and totally out of sorts. "Silly man."
I made to get up again, but he made a growling noise that froze me.
"Don't move." He nuzzled my neck again. "You've been either working or sleeping and I haven't seen you for more than five minutes for the last four days."
Some of my irritation falls away at his comment. He never complained about our opposite schedules, or anything for that matter. He simply took care of me or the house if I couldn't manage.
I turn my head to offer him my lips then, but the look in his eyes makes my breath catch. His were soft, full of something that made my already tender heart trip before it sped up. I'd never seen him look at me that way before, like I was everything to him. It was scary and exhilarating to feel the brunt of it.
"I got you something." He stared into my eyes and I stared back, unable to look away.
"Since your birthday is coming up…"
I narrow my eyes. "My birthday isn't until Sunday."
The smile that spreads across his face made my heart tighten. His smile could melt parts of me I thought made of tough stuff. Lately it wasn't just the space between my thighs that hummed with pleasure when he came near.
My feelings had grown stronger the longer we'd been together, but I'd contented myself with his company. I'd kept my emotions under strict control, trying to protect myself in case… in case he decided sticking around wasn't an option.
He'd surprised me. With his affection, his attention, in the way he touched my body, and now my heart.
"Just a little something for my girl." He reached over, grabbing a thick envelope of the table and placing it in my hand.
I eye it for a moment before opening it up. The first pass through rendered me stunned and then I read it again.
"You bought me a trip to Spain?" I stared at him in disbelief. "Why?"
"Because I love surprising you, spoiling you, and cooking for you." His hand gripped to my nape, holding me so I couldn't look away. "Because I love you."
He loved me? The words spin around in my head and I feel giddy initially. So giddy I hug him hard. It's not long before reality crashes down on me and with it a fear that nearly made me sick. Love me. He loved me? Would he love me in a month or a year when the feelings weren't as strong? Would he still be there loving me when I wasn't quite what he wanted anymore? It was overwhelming thinking about all the people who didn't stick around once the interest faded.
The sick feeling intensified and it was pure will power that kept me in his lap.
I shifted, suddenly antsy with the truth of his emotions. The look in his eyes spilling out of his mouth. I knew it for truth, could feel it in the way he held me so gently. His eyes were fierce like he knew my uncertainty well. I could give them nothing except my honesty.
"Everyone who thinks they love me, leaves me." My voice cracked. Oh God, tears hovered to close to the surface and I knew they'd bubble over if I thought about that too long.
He kissed me then. A slow kiss that chased away the tears and warmed my heart. He didn't try to deepen it or fire my desire, simply settle me the way only he could.
"You make me breathless when you touch me. The thought of leaving you hurts too much to even think about. You are worth sticking around for. I knew that the moment I met you and wanted to get close just to feel your fire."
His words triggered the tears I thought dried and his response makes me cry harder. He gathers me close, arms tight, and lips tender on mine. There's more passion in this kiss
"Can't you feel it?" His lips brushed mine. He lifted my hand to place it against his chest. "Can't you tell when you're with me?"
"I… I know I'm difficult and–"
There was that smile again. "Silly girl, stop trying to explain me away. I know you're scared, but I'm crazy about you and I'm not going anywhere."
The way his heart beat steady beneath my fingertips calmed me. He was steady, had been from the moment I'd met him. It had been there in the way he'd come to my rescue, sat with me when I've cried, listened when I've babbled on about my day. He wasn't perfect, but he'd become perfect for me. He'd become my rock, the calm in my otherwise crazy life.
My fingers curled around the fabric over his heart, suddenly wanting to sink into him. I couldn't run away it or deny it, and it felt good to accept him into myself.
I hold his eyes. "I love you too."
"I know how much those words mean when you say them." His eyes changed, growing dark with intensity. "I am honored to be loved by you."
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him with all the love I felt. "Will you be coming to Spain with me?"
"I can't very well send my best girl anywhere alone. What kind of man would I be?" He widened his eyes in mock horror before laughing.
"One who would mess out on the best food if you did." We both loved food too much to miss out on an opportunity to eat.
His smile died away. "You are my best girl and I'll work to remind you of that everyday. You have my heart."
I nod, letting my heart open more and more to him. "And you have mine."