I wouldn’t be missed if I disappeared.
I would, as in me. It’s my blog that would fade right into obscurity if I suddenly stopped posting.
People always chastise me when I mention that my blog hardly gets any hits. I should participate in memes (done that), or writing prompt sites (done that), or comment places (do that). It only works for a little while and not to any real noticeable degree.
I’m a realist so I like to be frank with myself and others as often as possible.
I’m not cornering markets when it comes to quality writing. I’m average at best in all honesty. My ability to advertise myself isn’t there and I’m not saying anything worth reblogging or remarking on. Where other larger sites are missed and subsequent reappearances still bring people in, I am not of the caliber. This site is one of a thousand sites of similar function and I could walk away and quickly be forgotten.
Cara, who?
On some level it bothers me because aren’t I special in any way? The answer is no. I know someone thinks I’m special (my mother), but the reality remains there are others just like me. Average bloggers. Average sex bloggers?
I can’t wrap this up with my usual stab at optimism. I’ll keep blogging, but this is just a reminder that I’m speaking into an empty room. Or maybe it’s a room overflowing with people and it’s impossible to be heard over all the noise.
Maybe I need to reevaluate what I want from this blog. My goals have changed and maybe I need to change some things accordingly.
Comments
I think you’re special. Not sure how much that’s worth, but it’s the truth.
Author
It’s at least nice to hear.
Yo. Stop that shit. Seriously. I get what you’re saying (believe me). If you’re interested, there are ways to improve traffic. And yes, you’re doing the basics: commenting, memes, etc. But there are other ways, more detailed things you could check out. E-mail me if you’re interested. But honestly, why be interested? Unless you’re wanting to take your blog to a different level.
Because what you do here is great. Really. And if you have a dedicated following of 50 people, so what. Are you doing it for them or for you? Why is Cara Thereon here? That’s what you need to figure out.
*hugs and kisses* and a *smack* on the ass for not recognizing your own greatness.
ps-I’d miss Cara Thereon if it were gone. I do miss it when it’s quiet. Just sayin’.
Author
It’s not that I want tons of followers. It would be nice to just get regular commenters. I have 2-3 people who comment when they can, but it’s rare to have a post see more than that.
I’ve always been bothered by the “who are you doing it for?” Pep talk. I’d say I was doing it for myself, but if that was true I wouldn’t bother keeping a public blog. Aren’t most people who write or blog doing it so others can read it. It stops being for me when I post it. It was all for me before that and sharing it means I care what other people think.
I just don’t feel I’m remarkable. Because shouldn’t that be what draws people to you? If I’m saying something groundbreaking or writing something moving, shouldn’t it garner more of a response? As someone that thrives in feedback, I’m firmly in the camp of not having the talent for this.
Would improving traffic have any lasting results when it hasn’t in the past? I’m just doing this all wrong.
*hugs* I think you are fantastic. And I’ve spoken to others who say the same thing. People don’t respond. That’s just how it is. My most popular post has had nearly 80K views. It has 18 likes and comments from 14 different people.
My suggestion, if you’re looking for a response, ask for it. If it’s something new and you want feedback, ask for it at the end of the post. Maybe that will spur people to start typing in response.
Regardless of all of that, you write well. Your stories are hot and heavy and leave me wet and wanting. A reader can not ask for anything more from a blogger. If you’re unhappy with where the blog’s at, think about what you want from it. Are you looking for feedback? Readers? Community? What do YOU need from the blog?
Author
I feel like I’m begging. I have such a hard time asking for feedback.
I don’t know what I want. Reassurance that people give a shit maybe? People talk about their readership and hits all the time. I’ve been blogging regularly for 10 years and have only seen levels of interaction once.
I guess I’m not sure what would mean “success” for me. I know people don’t have time to read and comment. This is just an emotional reaction I get every so often so I’m sure it’s cyclic and will hopefully pass.
It would just be nice to know people are reading. My views and responses just don’t reflect that.
I know when you aren’t posting.
Author
You’re off biking around the world. You should be too busy to notice. Lol.
Ummmm, LIES. I would totally miss your blog if it was gone. You can’t base your blog quality on the number of hits, because hits really are about marketing yourself and just being being lucky. Trust me, I work in marketing 😉 Having popular blogs/vlogs takes a level of time commitment that I personally can’t make myself commit to right now lol
Author
I don’t have the time in all honesty. I just don’t feel anyone is listening half the time.
What Caitlyn said. And what everyone else has said. You would be missed. You are one of the few “old timers” we have. And it would be tragic to lose you. Hugs. Great big ones.
Author
Knowing I may be considered an old timer makes me laugh. I don’t feel like I’ve been around “here” long enough for the distinction. Thanks for the hugs. ❤️
What Caitlyn and Marian said. (Original, I know). You’re fucking awesome and every OTHER time you’ve disappeared you have ABSOLUTELY been missed and you would be missed again.
That being said, what do you want your blog to be? Once you decide the answer to that, then you’re working towards a goal. There’s no right answer, by the way. If you want it to be a place where you occasionally get what’s in your head out into the internet ether, great. If you want it to be a place to hone your writing skills (which are AMAZING, by the way), great. If you want it to be a place where your friends gather and talk and interact with you, great. If you want it to be all of those things, (say it with me) great.
Whatever you decide that you want, then it’s time to decide a course of action. If you want the sense of community with comments and interaction, the only thing you can do is keep doing what you’re doing. I’ll be honest. My freaky 5 to 6 day a week blogging schedule isn’t for everyone (and that’s ok) but the more I write, the more people interact. (Note: I don’t write every single day. I spent a couple of hours a week scheduling posts, but that’s me and it won’t work for everyone.)
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but when you write about YOU, you get a lot more engagement and a lot more comments. I know it makes you feel awkward and strange to do, but maybe that’s what your readers want. Just a thought.
I think you’re awesome no matter what (if anything) you choose to do. If you disappear, I may hunt you down…just sayin’…
Author
I tell myself I’m okay just honing my writing skills here, and usually I am. I also know people don’t have the time to read and comment even when asked to do so. And again, nothing I write is particular groundbreaking. I’ve written about a wide variety of things, including myself, but even that gets few real comments. I notice if I drop a post like this in between stories people do say something. But regular posts of just this don’t usually attract attention plus it leaves me feeling pretty raw to be so exposed without feedback.
Really I don’t think readers know what they want from me so I struggle with deciding what to give.
I think I’m just frustrated with my writing. It happens in cycles with me and I’m on the low swing. I enjoy doing this, but thrive on feedback. That’s every bloggers’ problem, isn’t it. So why am I even complaining?
Oh Lord…you make me want to hug AND strangle you at the same time.
First of all, nothing ANY of us write is groundbreaking. That’s not what draws people to read our stuff though. It’s our unique voice that brings them in – and you’re an AMAZING writer (I promise, cross my heart and hope to die).
Only you know what you should or shouldn’t do and what works and doesn’t for YOU, but just be you. Write fiction when you feel like it. Write personal stuff when you feel like it. Complain, bitch, and moan when you damn well feel like it. I know you can’t see it, but you have the whole blogging package – hot Boobday posts, amazing fiction, the inability to see yourself as others do, vulnerability, the whole thing.
Frankly, what gets the views up (and ultimately the comments) up is consistent posting and lots of it. Being on social media helps, using sites like Triberr can make a difference, but just writing will keep people coming.
Author
Hm… I’ll definitely check out Triberr. It sounds interesting.
This feeling will pass. It usually does.
If you have any questions, let me know!
Author
Thank you!
I read a lot of your posts, but don’t leave comments. Sorries. I think the blog should be more about you and being your outlet, not trying to get followers. I always see at least one comment on all your posts. So, you’re engaging people. That’s being successful, I think. I think you should keep going. And start querying publishers with your stories! You’re talented! Publishing is the best way to get more readers.
Author
It’s fine! No one is obligated to comment. I just frustrated is all.
I’m not sure I have what it takes to truly publish. My half-hearted attempts to e-pub have been unsuccessful and the stories I have asked those in the business to read have been shut down.
You’re doing well though. I try keeping up with your blog when I can.
Then you haven’t found the right publisher because your stuff is good 😉
Author
Maybe I’ll conjure up the courage in the future
You better 😉 And if you ever need any help, I know a few publishers looking for what you write that might be worth a shot sending a query too. Just sayin’.
This is the 3rd time I’m attempting to respond today. I lost my two other comments while in in a waiting room. That’s how it goes with me. Commenting from my phone and on the run makes me inconsistent then I swear to myself I’ll comment to everyone when I get home, but then life and yada yada yada.
I think you’re a wonderful writer and I’ve enjoyed reading your blog. There are times I want to say so much more than a short sentemce, but I should make sure I say something. Sorry about that.
You would be missed and I’m sure by everyone’s comments you can see that.
Author
I wasn’t saying this to guilt anyone into commenting. Just frustrated and unsure about what this blog should be about. I know people are busy so it’s okay.
Girl, I’m Italian with Jewish ancestry. Guilt is my freakin’ middle name. But I hear what you’re saying. I think the blogging process has to go through several incarnations over time. We all change and our priorities shift.
Author
I’m well acquainted with guilt myself. Lol.
Placeholder: I have lots to say on this, but I just parked and am on my way to a Chiro appt. But here: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️. That’s all I can say for now!
Author
Hope your appointment went well.
Ha! I’m viewing this on my computer and all the little HEARTS I typed in came out as weird squiggly things!
ANYWAY, here’s what I’d really like to say: your blog is not the sum of it’s comments, it’s more than that, but I absolutely understand your feelings. I struggle with the same things, believe it or not. I totally crave interaction and feedback, embarrassingly so, and no matter how hard I try I cannot separate interaction from perceived interest, though I know they aren’t connected! And this is where I need to apologize to you, Cara, because I read a lot of your stuff (if not all) and I don’t always comment.
Sometimes it’s because I’m on the go and can’t peck at my phone or sometimes I have lots to say and then forget to go back and say it. But I’m trying to change that. I feel more invigorated about the blogging world in general and so that means I’m putting myself in front of my computer more which means I can connect better.
For the better part of this year I haven’t done much more than what Accidental Masturbator said over on LSAM’s post about Community (I swear we all get on the same cycle!): He pops on, writes his post, then pops off and has little time to connect in other ways. I am extremely guilty of that.
Just try to remember this post, that when you put out the Bat Signal we all answered the call. We are here. We love you. I would be incredibly sad if you ever disappeared. Dare I say despondent? Your presence is quietly intense, kind, you are loyal to us all and I am so sorry to have contributed to you feeling obsolete. All the hugs – Hy
Author
It’s okay. It was just a low moment for me. I looked at the blog of someone I follow who posted after a hiatus and they had a ton of comments. It hit me that my steady blogging isn’t garnering any feedback or views. When people read via email it don’t know it so I have no real idea if anyone even bothers.
Really I was venting. A weak moment I’m almost ashamed of. It happens and I whine, but ultimately keep writing. I just feel invisible. It’s okay though.
I don’t blog so I cannot comment on the personal reasons for doing it. However, I would miss your involving and sexy stories.
I also notice that you kicked up a storm of support from a lot of really great bloggers, people who I respect and know of from following them or hearing the ‘you really must read so-and-so’ recommendations. These are not the sort of people that will give support lightly. Believe them.
I also laughed when Marian called you an ‘old timer’. Ha! You thirty-something women have no idea what an old timer is;-) But she is right – hang in there girl!
Author
I feel old even though I’m not.
I guess it’s just hard to hang in there. It doesn’t always feel like its worth it though I can’t stop writing.
Blogging is frustrating.Or it can be. I get frustrated with it–lack of followers or lack of comments (then I remember that I’m the dick blogger that can barely find time to post these days or respond back to the wonderful regular commenters I do have [[this is about me now, not you]]). Then I try to just put it into perspective. I don’t know. I also don’t know what I’m doing with my blog. It doesn’t have much life left in it.
Like you, I’d like to be a “real” writer (professional, I mean, paid)–however that is not where I am headed (would that I were). Blogging takes up a lot of time and doesn’t always have a lot of pay off. It’s bollocks. I understand the cyclic mentality, there have been many times where I’ve hovered over the delete button and thought about ending it all (so bloody dramatic).
Hope you feel better soon.
xoxo
Author
I, for one, would miss you if you did go. I miss the bloggers I read regular when they stop posting. I don’t read a much as I used to because it’s hard to keep up, but do read what I can.
It can be time consuming and frustrating. Maybe it’ll perk up.
I’d like to DITTO this 🙂 xx Hy
I know what you’re saying, but I should slap you for saying it. xo
Author
On the ass?
Wherever I chose.
Author
I’m hoping it’s on the ass. *fingers crossed*
you’ll be crossing more than fingers.
Author
Ominous. ❤️
The reality is, every blog, no matter how many readers/how popular, will disappear into obscurity someday.
You know how I feel about you and your blog, I hope you continue, as long as you’re blogging for yourself and enjoy doing so.
Author
True. Some blogs fade faster than others. But that it is the way of things naturally.
I usually do enjoy it. Yesterday wasn’t one of those days
Getting followers on a blog is difficult but I for one (along with many others) feel you have an exceptional writing talent. Not average. Not ordinary. Perhaps you haven’t found your true voice yet. You haven’t yet told the story of your journey. But you will and I for one (etc.) will learn from it as I have already learned much from you. Keep trucking, keep writing.
Author
I can’t seem to quit anyway. Guess I don’t know how to stop even when it’s dead.
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I always enjoy your posts BT but i am rubbish at commenting. I know that makes me a bad person as I know the satisfaction / validation that comes from a reader taking the time to interact. You aren’t just typing into an empty room, your words are being read.
Author
I was just having a really low moment that day. I realize life crowds in so to expect to always get a comment isn’t realistic. It’s the nature of the blogging game when you aren’t well known. Just gotta learn to be okay with that.
I agree. I don’t get many views or comments. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me and remind myself I only write for me anyway but its nice to know *someone* is out there
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I realize I am reading this four years on, and that your life (meat life and blogging life, as well as the intersection of both) has obviously changed much over that time. But I wonder: Do you still experience this cyclic “down”?
I was reading a new-ish blog recently in which the author was lamenting the turnover of blog writers and fellow reader/interact-ers – here one day, every day, for ___ weeks/months, then Poof! GONE – and I was reminded of the first time I found, and subsequently lost, my online community. WordPress did a censorship sweep. People disappeared. Before that happened, I felt like I had quality interaction on my site. Honestly, it’s never been the same for me since.
One thing I’ve noticed as an overall trend is that bloggers who self-host tend to be more reliable/vested as a creative conmunity, but at the same time I’ve noticed that in the time I’ve been self-hosted, the reader interaction has dwindled considerably. I wonder if that’s a trend others can relate to, or if it’s just me.
[…thinking…]
Author
I’m better at interacting with other bloggers now than I was 4 years ago even though the community was different then. A lot of the people I used to follow are gone. Really only a few like Kayla and Hy remain of the group I used to feel a part of.
I feel like it’s taken me a long time to learn HOW to be involved in the community. I didn’t get commenting and interacting. Now I try to go to others posts and interact on twitter. That’s made a difference.
The level of commenting overall is still the same. I’ve always only gotten 1-5 comments on posts. Now, unless I’m part of a meme, it still sits at that level.